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Wednesday, 28 March 2012

When Too Much is Too Much

I tend to talk too damn much a lot, and some people think I'm uncouth/chatty/noisy/blunt/ *insert other annoying attributes here* etc. But being brought up in a predominantly Chinese family, we're taught that some things are better left unsaid, for fear of offending/hurting other people. My grandma always said: if you've got nothing good to say, don't say it.

image courtesy of Google images

This works most of the time, but what happens if someone has repeatedly done things to disrespect/hurt you? Just how much is too much? And not 7 hours ago, I decided I've had enough of keeping quiet.

*disclaimer: the following quotes/dialogues I include below are rephrased/diluted to protect the individuals involved - no names will be mentioned"

A good friend of mine recently went through a pretty turbulent relationship. Not because he/she found out the other person was a druggie or something (Lord forbid)... the big issue was "THE EX". It started with the whole "I-hope-you-don't-mind-we're-still-friends" talk. Now, this friend of mine is not a naturally jealous person, so she made it clear that she would be TOTALLY fine if they went out for coffee to catch-up blah blah blah. 

Bombshell #1 he said, "yeah we might go for movies or jogging... and she might visit my mom and stay over at our place."

First point : how much one should COMPROMISE.

In my book (and many other girls' as well), letting him even meet the ex 1-on-1 is a big deal. But movies? jogging? sleeping over? RED ALERT! I'm sitting here thinking (and James agrees with me), " Why the hell would you wanna spend alone-time with your ex anyways?!" But after much debate and (reluctant) interferences from another friend and I, they somewhat patched things up. *To be fair, the guy was just listing out the things he thought normal friends do together - so it was a misunderstanding.*

Bombshell #2 he said, "we're... experienced."

Second point: when are you IN DENIAL?

"She's conservative."
She dresses like this:
image courtesy of Google images
"She doesn't like it when guys stare (at her cleavage)."
I don't like hypocrites.

My friend says, "she reveals a bit too much".
He says, "but she cover everything else".
And it's okay if you wear your pants so low that your butt is hanging out, cause well, you "cover everything else" right?

"She initiated all the physical things we did, but she's an angel really."
image courtesy of Google images
At this point, my friend is exhausted. She's a pretty staunch Christian so having to digest and accept all that information is no meat feat. It's honestly no wonder she had na-da feeling left for him after she had been bled dry emotionally. At one point I even caught myself wondering: is he even over the ex yet??

Bombshell #3 he says, "WTF?! She sent me a song titled Come Back To Me (not real title)! I'm so angry!"

Third point: when is it TOO LATE?

Finally, he wakes up, no longer deluded. The ex knows that he's attached (he told her personally). But still, he says, "she's not as bad as you think."

Yes. Everyone has their shortcomings, just like everyone has some good and bad in them. But there's a line between being a friendly ex and blatantly trying to break up your ex's current relationship. She (the ex) was clearly trying to mess with his head and see how far she can push him. Good news is, it backfired - he realizes that she's not the angel he thought he knew; bad news is, my friend has just about had enough.

Just as an after thought, who in their right mind keeps an album on their social network profile entitled "Me and My Baby (not real title)" after breaking up? *yanks hair* but I digress.

Needless to say, it was (quite literally) music to my ears when my friend finally decided to call it quits. I told her that it would have been over if I no longer had feelings for the guy, but I respected her decision to let him try and mend things. Well, time's up. 

Finally, food for thought. DO click on the link and watch the videos, then decide for yourself.

I'm honestly very sorry this had to happen, because I was happy when they got together and I had a very high opinion of the guy as a person and friend (I still do in some respect). I'm not judging him or anyone, this blogpost is just my thoughts on relationships based on what my friends went through and hopefully will never go through again.


uncle said...

One thing your friend needs to realise is that guys always think below the belt. Nuff said.

Clarissa said...

And men need to realize that not all girls are angels. There were a lot of other factors surrounding this relationship that I chose not to disclose, but suffice to say the ex was the damaging factor.

Tze Khang said...

where the link? the guy is crazy, putting his "friendship" with his ex before his current girlfriend's feelings. that current girl is the angel, giving him so much time. that ex should get slapped. two faced dog.