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Thursday, 19 January 2012

Nothing's Ever The Same

You were always there, the biggest influence in all our lives, constantly guiding us with words of wisdom. 99.9% of the values I hold on to now, were taught and influenced by you.

I'm going home for Chinese New Year tomorrow, and I'm half looking forward to it, and the other half of me is dreading it. Without you here, it's never going to be the same. The festivities that we celebrate every year suddenly feel completely empty.

We insisted you come with us to Macau, and it was (and always will be) one of the best family holidays I've ever had, if only because you were with us:

Your legs were weak, but you didn't let it ruin your mood. At times, you would even insist on getting off the wheelchair to walk because - quote - "I'm not an invalid".

 You came for my concerts - you were my biggest supporter:

You cooked feasts for us even though you couldn't stand for too long.

The customary lounging we do before you walk in and declare that the food is ready:

What we look forward to every Chinese New Year:

It pains me to realize that I will never see your face when I graduate, when (if) I get married, turn to you for advice, note down your awesome recipes etc. Tears threaten to pour every time I remember us just sitting in your living room, talking nineteen to the dozen while watching the Hokkien shows that you loved. Or me coming back from school and telling you everything - what my friends said, what the teachers did (or did not do - teach).

Nothing will ever be the same, and we all miss you to bits. I'm banking on the fact that we will meet again, but till then...

I'll play pretend, and imagine you're still around us, cause that way it's less painful.


Wani said...

Cheer up! Every ending is a chance for something new in life. That's how life works, painful, but beautiful at the same time. Happy Chinese New Clarissa. Have a great one =)

Clarissa said...

Thanks Wani!