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Saturday, 5 November 2011


The past few days have taught me:

1) Family, is everything.
2) Only family will know, understand and experience (full extent) the pain one feels when a member of the family leaves us.
3) They will cry and laugh with you.
4) Family members comfort each other not only with words, but by hugging one another as we cry our hearts out.
5) Say "I love you" to your loved ones as often as you can, don't leave it till it's too late.

On the 29th of October, we lost my grandmother, who meant the world to a lot of us. She was like my second mother and raised me like her own child. She was the most caring, loving and giving person I know. There are no words to describe the loss we felt when she left us. My aunt, mom, grandpa, Popo's brother, his children, grandpa's sister and her daughter, myself, my siblings. . . all of us held memories of/with her that hurt whenever we thought of them.

When we said our final farewells on the last day of the wake service, (I stayed at my grandparents' house every night since I went back to KL), tears flowed like waterfalls. My sis, bro and I wrote, edited and dedicated a song to her and I managed to stay composed as we sang it at the last service, but after that. . . when my aunt and mom came up to us and hugged us, I lost it.

It hurt that I can never say "hi Popo, I'm back!" again.

It hurt that we can never taste her delicious cooking again.

It hurt that we can never run to her for advice anymore.

Our hearts broke when we watched Popo's casket leave in a black Mercedes. My siblings and I stayed back to look after grandpa, who was affected the most by her passing.

My sis was a brick throughout the whole thing. She didn't shed a tear as the three of us stood together to deliver the eulogy we wrote for Popo - I broke down after the first 3 sentences; she comforted my aunt when she was inconsolable, she hugged me as I choked on my tears. . . Admittedly she didn't spend as much time with Popo as I have, but we all felt the pain. Such is the effect Popo had on our lives.

Popo's brother's (my grand-uncle) family drove down to KL (from Kelantan) and spent 5 days at Popo's house. It's unbelievable, but we got so much closer after all the days we spent huddled up under the same roof. As a child, Popo once brought me to their home in Kelantan and I was very close to them, but we lost contact for about 10 years after that so this. . . reunion, so to speak, meant a lot to me.

 I've thought long and hard about this, and decided to post a few pics my mom and I collectively captured during the moments where there were jokes, laughter and smiles amidst all the crying:

At Semenyih Hills, Popo's resting place:
"Kaifa" the pony
Champ, the ex-racehorse

My mom was saying: whoa. . . there are horses at her resting place as well!
*** I'm born in the year of the horse, and Popo and I shared a very special bond, hence the statement above ***

The place we had lunch at after saying our goodbyes:

The entrance of the restaurant, with my aunt and Kau-Fu (grand-uncle's son):

My family cracking jokes at the dining table, as usual:
From left: My bro, Kau-Kong. Kau-Fu and I
HUGE fish:

My Ee-ee (grand-uncle's daughter) brought her first-born as well, and he's the cutest thing ever! I don't normally carry babies cause I'm terrified of dropping them, but after meeting this one, I don't reckon I'll be afraid anymore. The first time I carried him was when we were having lunch, my Ee-ee couldn't eat cause she had to carry him, and since I was the only one with a clean plate I took him off her hands so she could eat. I think that's when he got addicted to the smell of my hair and always held his arms out to me when he wanted to sleep. *frown*

My sis and I (heavily edited because both of us had horrible eye-bags after not sleeping well for nearly a week):

At the jetty (Port Klang) to spread Popo's ashes into the sea as she wanted:
From left: Dad's sis, Mom's sis, Kau-Kong and Lou
I wasn't quite ready to leave home and come back to Singapore, but as they all say - life goes on. I don't think I'll ever get over her death, but what I Can do is cherish whatever memories I had with her.

Popo, I love you.

And a big thank you to Kau-Kong and family for being there with us. It meant a lot and I do hope we can see each other more often than we used to. Love you guys!

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