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Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Just Because...

He takes 2 hours to wake me up.

He eats with me even though I eat darn slowly.

He makes sure that I don't slack off practice.

He gets angry when I risk injuring my limbs playing badminton.

He is the reason I stop procrastinating.

He worries WAY too much.

He stays up with me when I'm not feeling well.

He knows my timetable better than me.

He feels bad when he wakes me up too early.

He tells me when I'm doing something wrong.

He puts up with my mood swings.

He takes me out for random movie outings.

He looks like the dragon from "How To Train Your Dragon" when he tries to make me laugh.


It's funny how it happened, and we're such different people that one would never have predicted us being "an item" - to quote someone. But oh well...

Gah, this has been the random-est (not to mention the mushy-est -_-") post I've ever done. O_O I just wanted to let *you* know how much I appreciate having you around, and though you have to put up with me for more than 12 hours a day, you don't get sick of me.


He scowls in most of his photos...



But I still love him. =)

<3

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Bleaargh...

Don't-feel-like-doing-anything...

*screams in frustration*

I just wanna curl up in bed and SLEEP! But I can't, cause I've got chamber rehearsals at 2pm, then chamber class at 4pm, followed by dinner at 6pm, then (maybe) work on my final project for a bit, after which I have to head back to PGP to do my laundry.

Had a massive bout of headache last night. James reckons it's caffeine overdose. Never had such a bad headache before. Was tearing cause I couldn't fall asleep even after 2 panadols. O_O

Finally decided to take a third pill, then hid under the blanket, willing the pain to go away.

I dunno if it was the pills or the sweating which did it, but my headache subsided after that and I was finally able to fall asleep. Still feel a little weak though, and didn't have much of an appetite. *sigh*

Went for breakfast at "Spinelli's" with Guan Yu before attending Dr Koo's theory class. Got carried away finishing our homework and was late by about 10 minutes. Hehe. Her class is a lot quieter than mine, due to the absence of people like Ray and Jon Shin. Lol. My class is always in an uproar, we're all overly enthusiastic when it comes to chord analysis. =P

My goodness, I just made us all sound like a bunch of nerds. -_-"

*yawns*

Practice time...



Thanks for staying up with me. Really appreciate it.

Love you muchos! =)

Monday, 29 March 2010

ZzzzZZzz..

I've had 3 doses of tea today and yet I'm still feeling tired and sleepy. Guess caffeine is losing its effect on me...

It's also a sign that I've been taking too much. Caffeine, I mean.

Gonna go for a meeting thingy-ma-jing that I'm not sure whether I'm even involved with. Ok wait, I AM involved. Just got confirmation. LOL!

*sighs*

You know what? I should just... not bother next time.

Dunno what's wrong with my arms today. Fingers feels darn stiff and sore... Couldn't practice much, cause I still need to play for orchestra later. Some big shot conductor's "guest" conducting our orchestra for the next concert so, I need my muscles to function till 9.30pm.

Was planning on playing badminton tonight, but James would kill me if I do anything to risk injuring my limbs so... *sniff sniff*

Right. Gotta go now.

Updates some other time.


Is it wrong to...?

Ah, forget it.

Friday, 26 March 2010

Time-waster?

I'm gonna regret doing this (blogging), I just know it.

But I'll do it anyway cause I need a break from Bach before I drive myself insane.

You what the biggest irony is? I'm listening to Rostropovich play BACH's cello suite 1 - prelude, on Youtube. O_O

Well, it's not what I'm playing, so that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. =P I've been addicted to this recording ever since I first heard it. Whenever I run out of good stuff to watch/listen to, this is the first thing I go back to watching.

Check it out here!

=D

Had a pretty good sleep last night, I reckon. Finished the worst of my assignments, gave up on the one due today *whoopsie* , did my laundry last night (my room smells sooo~ nice) and will be discussing with other group members regarding our final project - which I plan to complete as soon as possible.

Out of sight, out of mind. =D

Nothing much has been going on, a couple of concerts and nice lunches and dinners... Not very eventful cause we don't have the time or energy to go out much. Was gonna play badminton last night, but because I didn't wanna sprain my back and wrist (again), and there weren't enough people anyway...

The exercise has done me good though. I think (this may all be just wishful thinking but) I might have lost some weight.

OMG, I just pictured James going : of COURSE it's wishful thinking. *sly grin*

*mumblegrumble*

Let a girl dream a little, will you? LOL!

Haven't had an actual decent meal with Guan Yu, Wynne and all since I came back from Malaysia. Maybe cause our schedules don't tally, but at least we had breakfast the other day after Dr Koo's class.

And I might, MIGHT just go for church this Sunday.

We'll see, we'll see...


Just so you know, I really don't appreciate people talking about "us" behind our backs. If you've got an issue, either SPIT-IT-OUT or keep your trap shut and don't give me funny stares and start whispering to one another.

It's plain rude. I couldn't give two hoots if you don't like my guts, but don't talk about things you're not sure of, and stop making assumptions. I've said this a million times, but I'll say it again. The more you assume, the more of an ASS, U would look like to ME.

I'm guilty of assuming as well, but I don't parade my assumptions to the entire planet.

This about that the next time you people start spreading rumors.




PRACTICE TIME!!!

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Inhale... Exhale...

I think I should lay off badminton for awhile... Or at least whack a little less aggressively when I play, cause I think I overdid it last night.

Then again...

-_-"

I reckon it's safer if I don't play for the next week or so at least. Don't wanna injure myself before juries. Can you believe it? My jury is exactly a week after my birthday.

*mumblegrumble*

Shoulders and right wrist are aching like crap. Couldn't practice for long, which explains why I have time to blog. O_O

My wrist is hurting even as I type, so this ain't gonna be a long post.

Actually, I'm just gonna stop now.

Updates some other time. =)


wait.

One last thing...


EBEN! WHERE ARE THE CAMP PICS?!!

lol.

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Honestly...

Abusive boyfriends should be hung upside down and have the shit beaten out of them. *glares*

Yes, there's a chinese proverb that goes : 打是疼你骂是爱 (if I hit/scold you, it's because I love you)

But there's a fine line between that, and being an abusive bastard. I don't even know why she's still with him. It's not like he's a hunk or anything (quite the opposite, actually), looks like a retard every time he's been asked a question... Dunno what she's thinking. Maybe he's good in bed or something. O_O!!!

Jon, Budi and I got a shock when we saw those bruises on her arms. BOTH her arms. There were at least 10, and they were each the size of my thumb. They didn't look like love bites, and anyways love bites don't go on the arms (like Jon tactfully pointed out just seconds ago).

-_-"

A-N-Y-ways...

Didn't have a good start to the day. Got wet in the rain this morning walking to YST, after breakfast (alone) in YIH and realizing that I don't have as much money as I thought I had left in my bank account, grabbing my violin and heading to the keyboard lab to warm up cause it was too bleeding cold on the 2nd floor, practiced for an hour or so when Souptel called to cancel our class, and eventually developed a headache that still hasn't gone away.

And now I'm sitting in the keyboard lab after lunch (which James had to go out in the rain to get for me cause he refused to have me get wet again) waiting for the insanely long-winded rain to stop so I can head to PGP and do my laundry before dinner, then going out (AGAIN) for OMM rehearsals. O_O

Right.

The rain still has not stopped.

Screw it. I'm gonna go back anyways, or I'll be behind schedule...

*sighs*


Miss you...

Friday, 19 March 2010

I Will Have To

Sweat it out.

-_-"

Had no idea where things actually stood till you told me yesterday. *sighs* Didn't blog on purpose last night cause I knew I'd end up saying things I don't really mean. Heh.

AND I was tired.

Well, we both know what to do now, so... =)

*yawns*

Was practicing earlier, but then my stomach was acting up on me again. O_O So I decided to chill awhile in the comp lab and have another go at it later.

This camp was the shortest ever. I don't even feel like I played in the concert. Time just went by too fast... It was still fun, but yeah... I wish it lasted longer. Had a surprise party thingy for Lu Ee in the Karaoke room on our first night back, played "Chor Dai Di" till midnight the day after, watched "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" on the 3rd night, then played "Bluff", "Mafia" and some other random card games till 3am on our last night.

Garr... I miss camp already! June, come quick!


Thanks for telling me what you felt, and not keeping me in the dark. Don't worry too much yea?

Love you *hugs*


Shit. I've got major lesson tomorrow. (I just called Souptel)

*runs off to practice*

Thursday, 18 March 2010

*slaps forehead*

It's back to Singapore in exactly 8 hours...

*sighs*

Camp was dreadfully short, but fun nonetheless. The crazy talks, the gossip sessions, the (traditional?) movie night, card games till 3 in the morning, fun-but-tiring rehearsals...

Concert was good. =)

I miss the lot of them already. Great company is hard to come by...

Oh well... We'll get to spend more time together in June, so...

Had dinner with the family before rushing off to change.

Time really has no mercy. Wish camp lasted a little longer.

This post is really very random... O_O

Gah, I'm exhausted, and my brain ain't functioning. So sue me...

Actually, I just wanted to say...



Happy 3 months dear. =)

Love you muchos!



SLEEP TIME!

Friday, 12 March 2010

Tra la la~

Okay, I don't even know why I'm blogging... Really, I've got not much to say, having vented out (most of) my feelings in the last post, so yeah.

To while away time I suppose. =D

Was working on the simple (Yukie Nishimura-like) piece I'm composing, but gave up after Jebat and Duncan came in and started practicing. O_O Not that I'm complaining, I was running out of creative juices already anyways.

Not, that there was much to begin with. I'll be keying the entire thing into Finale once I'm done with it on paper (yes, I still like composing old school - manuscript paper) and post an audio up here if Blogger doesn't go all bonkers on me. Just to give you lot a heads up, it's honestly no-big-deal. And if you don't like soppy love songs or fancy (romantic) jazz chords, I suggest you save your ears the pain. XP

Gonna watch Nodame Cantabile : The Movie with James at Vivo later!

*beams*

Lou, don't blame me yeah, not my fault they're not showing it in Malaysia. O_O In any case, I wouldn't be able to watch it with you and Ivan, cause there's no time for it when I'm back (the day after) till I leave.

The dude's having studio class till 7pm *mumblegrumble* so we can only leave then, and grab dinner, buy someone's present and card, as well as take a look at (portable) air-condition prices. If they're not too expensive, I'd like to get one. My room is just abominably stuffy, I can't fall asleep even when I'm dead tired.

And now...

More - practice!



Sorry about this morning yea? =)

Thursday, 11 March 2010

*Growls*

The day didn't start out too well yesterday... Woke up at 6.45am for the stupid PD project, after not having much sleep the night before, reached school by 7.45am-ish, was all set and ready to go when...

Well, all hell broke loose.

It started with SOMEONE turning up late, and not finishing the SIMPLEST task given to her. Best part is, she couldn't even come up with a good reason (excuse) for not completing it. Who the HELL doesn't prepare their own materials BEFORE conducting a workshop? Even if the school said that they have photocopying facilities, you should get everything done at least the day before the workshop. We told you we'd pay you back, but instead, someone else had to pay for doing your dirty work.

Luckily the workshop turned out okay, or I would be chewing on your sanity. *growls*

It's bad enough that you don't contribute during our group discussions. You sat there week after week without saying a word. I wanted to slap you when you gave our project planning a rating of 3 out of 5, but couldn't even open your mouth to tell us why. If you haven't got any suggestions or ideas, at least just go with whatever the rest spent hours thinking about. Don't disagree but then have no idea what you're disagreeing about.

Your cooperation has been nil since the day we started the project planning, your contribution was non-existant, and because we HAD to give you SOMETHING to do, your marvelous sense of responsibility fucked it up for us. To top it off, that "something-to-do" wouldn't even have taken up 10 minutes of your precious time! All you had to do was print the handouts and photocopy it for 30 people. If it were impossible for you to do *rolls eyes* at least TELL us instead of agreeing to do it, then decide : ah whatever, I don't care. Let them solve the problem for me.

We were actually having the meeting thing because we wanted to address YOUR issue. We scraped it because apart from the usual people (who were actively involved SINCE THE START), you didn't even have the courtesy to turn up ON TIME.

Screw you. Like, seriously. No one's gonna want to work with you if you carry on this way. You're the epic example of a failed person.

On a brighter note...

I'M GOING HOME THIS SUNDAY!!!!!

Could've arranged to go back tomorrow, but we have a concert to perform for on Saturday so... *sighs*

Oh shit, I gotta practice my excerpts. =P

Toodles!

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

*yawn*

I'm only blogging cause I got chased out of the room I was practicing in, and it's about time for lunch anyways. I'm just waiting for James to finish his major lesson, then go get something to munch on.

Was on Facebook a few minutes ago, read a few updates...

After a conversation I had with someone last night, coupled with the updates on Facebook, I realized that being overly sensitive doesn't do anyone any good. In fact, it only makes life difficult for yourself. Honestly, if you were less touchy and cared a little less about things that really don't matter so much, you'd be a much happier person.

Why on earth do you go about worrying and complaining about stuff that you can either: a) not think about at all, or b) make time for by getting rid of all the extra things you're doing, or c) stop complaining and find a way to solve your problems instead of wasting time whining about it.

I'm sorry I'm being a little harsh, but I think you're putting too much effort on the wrong things. Like someone told me a few days back, get your priorities right. It's good that you wanna get things done, and I know how much of a perfectionist you are (which is also a good thing), but sometimes you have to let some unimportant things go.

Actually, part of the reason you're so touchy all the time is because you're constantly thinking about the amount of things you have to do. Someone once told me that you're very easily provoked. I've given it some thought, and I reckon (I might be wrong, but) it's because you're always worrying, always thinking about what you have to do next, or rather, worrying about what you DON'T have time to do. So when someone does something that you don't like, or that messes with your schedule/plans a little, you get annoyed/irritated.

You don't give thought to what other people might have to do with their time either. Everyone changes their mind about something for a reason, either to avoid wasting time, or make time for a more important event. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but the world doesn't evolve around you. Should your friends alter their timetables just to accommodate yours?

To be frank, I'm getting fed up.

*edits*

This will be the last time I attempt to advice you. I used to be like that too, but I've woken up from that nightmare. For your own sake, you should snap out of it as well. A lot of people around you (those who care, at least) have tried to reason with you, but every time that happens, you get extremely defensive. It not because they're bent on annoying you, but you're irritated because you don't like what you're hearing.

Believe me, if you carry on only wanting to hear things you like to hear, you're not gonna get very far in life. Start distinguishing between bullshit and constructive criticism. And to give you a heads up, sometimes there's constructive criticism in bullshit.

No kidding.

Saturday, 6 March 2010

When Your Weekend Feels Like a Weekday. O_O

No-fun.

This is my schedule for today - a Saturday, which is technically supposed to be slightly free-er than my weekdays:

10-12pm: Practice
12-1pm: lunch
1-3pm: practice
3-4pm: listen to OMM pieces' recordings
4.15-6pm: Major Lesson
6-7pm: rush to Singapore Conference Hall, eat whatever James managed to "da-pao"
7-10pm: OMM rehearsals

It will be around 10.30/11pm by the time we get back to PGP. I tell you, I'm getting my 8 hours tonight, cause I jolly well won't function tomorrow if I don't. Have to attend another rehearsal tomorrow night from 7.30-10.30pm...

?^%>@/$:<#^%!!!!!!!

*breathes*

I was just telling myself: "look forward to March camp", THEN I remembered... We've got internal auditions on the 3rd day of camp.

*curses*

That's less than 10 days away, and I've only looked through the excerpts twice. Very VERY briefly. I-Am-Going-To-D-I-E. Grr..... This month has not been very nice to me. Every time I think things are finally going smoothly, something HAS to come along and ruin it. NOT my idea of fun. Seriously. It's been getting harder and harder to find that silver lining. *sniff sniff*

On a bright side, my practice has been pretty productive. My etude is finally starting to sound like an etude =P, and the Bach now has more direction... I just hope it won't be another one of those I-prepared-well-but-played-like-shit-during-lesson occasions. O_O

Concert last night was a let-down, but the outing was fun, nonetheless. Felt good to get out of school. =) I went with Ray and Hamish - James didn't go cause he had studio class - and we were laughing throughout most of the concert. Something in the program notes tickled us to no end, and those two were cracking jokes during intermission as well. Lol.

Something I read from someone's VERY old blog post:

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. His students shuffled in and took their seats wondering what was he up. Normally that professor would flap into the room with various papers falling to the ground as he apologized for being late. This change immediately silenced their talk and they quietly took their seats and fixed their eyes on their educator.

When the time came for the class to begin, wordlessly the Professor picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, each about 2 inches in diameter. He then screwed the lid on. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They all agreed that it was.

So the professor then took the lid off the jar and picked up a box of smaller pebbles, pouring them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the bigger rocks. He replaced the lid.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full now. Again, they agreed it was.

You probably get the idea now, and, sure enough, the professor picked up the jar again, took of the lid and poured in a box of sand. Of course, the sand filled up the remaining room right to the very top of the jar.

He then asked once more if the jar was now full. The students confidently responded with an unanimous- YES!

The professor the produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the space between the sand. The students laughed at having been caught out again.

"Now", said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you ti recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things- your family, you partner, your health, your children, maybe your friends. These are the things that, if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles represent all the other things that matter to you, but essentially are not be all and end all of your existence. Things such as your job, your house, your car, your football team, your pets, and so on. The sand is everything else that fills in the gaps and enriches your life but could not described as essential for your happiness and well being - the small stuff like your favourite television shows, internet sites, etc."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, like watching television, then you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness . Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out dancing and treat them to a nice meal, or a new outfit every so often. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the bedside light."

"Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

All of the students sat nodding to themselves, appreciating the lesson. However, the odd one out raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.....
........it just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers!"

*yawns*

And I'm off for more practice. *mumblegrumble*

Prokofiev 5 tonight!
(At least I have that much to look forward to)


I MISS YOU! xoxo =D

Saw this in one of Eben's old posts.

SmilingCat.jpg


Does it remind you of somebody? =P

Thursday, 4 March 2010

I-Don't-Understand

How can you hurt yourself so much by hurting another?

Those wounds cut deep.

Wanted to just burst into tears earlier.

Do you honestly hate me now?


Feel so sick of myself. Should just dig a grave and bury myself in it. Can't concentrate. Can't practice. Can't think. My lunch was filling but it came right back out after what happened.

I really need to keep my mouth shut from now on...

I hate myself, I really do.

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Conflicting Emotions

Read this while I was blog-hopping awhile earlier...


A girl needs to know that she's needed. When you told me you didn't need me the other day, I was hurt. It hurt so bad that I felt like someone had just put a bullet through my heart. You may not have meant it that way, but those words cut deep.

I never asked for you to do extra things for me. We've known each other for a number of years now, and  you know what I'm like. I don't want flowers, or pretty cards, or dinner dates at fancy restaurants... But it would be nice to know that you appreciated having me around. A simple gesture would do - a hug, a kiss, a warm smile - anything that would make me think : okay, I'm on the right track. He doesn't think I'm a possessive bitch. Was that too much to ask?

I've mentioned this before - about you cold-shouldering me in public - and it hasn't improved, even after I talked to you at length about it. I wonder if it's because you feel uncomfortable, or it's because you don't like the skin-ship. When we're out somewhere (for a movie or shopping) you don't hold my hand, you don't put your arm around my shoulders, you walk at least a feet away from me... We've been together for a couple of months now, for Christ's sake, and you can't even hold your girlfriend's hand in public?

This has been a constant thorn in my side. Before we got together, you were so nice, so warm and friendly. You offered to get me drinks during our lunch breaks, you gave me friendly hugs whenever you saw me, you even gave me a massage when I complained of a stiff neck. Where did all that affection go? You're treating me no better than how you would a stranger. Am I just your girlfriend in title?

When I called you last night to tell you I can't take it anymore, I was hoping that you would at least apologize. Knowing you as I did for a few years before you courted me, I had the impression that you were capable of being a good boyfriend. Apparently, I thought wrong.

Do you think that girls are for BuyAndThrowAway? You think you can just buy and then throw me away?


Whoever that guy is, I hope he gets what he deserves. Thankfully *a-hem*'s not like that. I mean, he has his flaws, but I have mine too, so...

That blog post just reminded me a teeny bit of what I went through. But unlike that poor girl, mine has gotten a lot better. =) 

The day has gone by pretty smoothly so far... Hopefully it remains the same till next week at least. I really hate it when issues crop up, especially when they seem impossible to solve. O_O Grr... At least I'll have 5 days back in KL (MPYO March Camp) to get away from the hassle, even if it's only for a brief period.

Dinner, anyone?


Though I'd like it if you were a little more attentive sometimes, just do whatever comes naturally.

Love you. <3

Monday, 1 March 2010

Too Good To Be True

As it is with all things in life. =)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me, cause they shed some light, and I could view my issue under a (somewhat) better angle. You'll always wish you could do more, it's a never ending path...

*sigh*

I seem to be sighing a lot these days... Well, the pile of work to do and practice does not help one jot, I haven't been sleeping well, and the traveling I've done the past two weeks is taking its toll. I've been having a massive headache the entire day, but kept mute about it.

Cause well, I think you have better things to worry about. =)

I'll be fine though, after jury is over (which is in late April - which also totally ruins my birthday, but let's not go there O_O), I'll finally be able to breathe a little more freely. I'm NOT looking forward to the final term project - now that Dr Edwards has given us a clue as to what we're supposed to "compose", but I'll take it as it comes lar.

Not like I have a friggin' choice to begin with. Gotta do it if I wanna pass. -.-"

Fingers are freaking freezing. I actually just finished with practice. My shoulder blades are aching like crap, and the ulcer on the inside of my upper lip is hurting more than usual. *sobs*

Will the suffering never end??

Okay that was random, but never mind. I just, dunno what the hell I'm thinking. Feeling kinda confused I guess... I mean, I'm trying to figure out what to do when I don't know what to do. But how can I figure it out when I don't know where to begin?

Right. That didn't even make any bloody sense. I reckon my brain cells are fried. No kidding. The headache has subsided a little, but there's still that constant throbbing I feel at the side and back of my skull. Grr...


Ever felt like you wanted to help someone but can't, and it hurts like crap to see that person hurting?