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Thursday, 21 January 2010

Jealousy

It may only be a simple word, but does not have such a simple definition behind it. There are many reasons we feel jealous and though it is a normal human emotion to feel, it tends to get out of control if we fail to tame it.

How can we sustain love when lurking rivals, imaginary or real, threaten to destroy our fragile state of happiness? How can we love freely when jealousy becomes more seductive than love itself? Isolated by the sheer terror of being betrayed sooner or later, the jealous lover hangs in suspense, waiting for the bomb to drop.

Jealousy is unmistakable. It hurts. As The Oxford English Dictionary describes it, jealousy is a state of mind arising from the "suspicion, apprehension, or knowledge of rivalry" and affects our body before it reaches the mind. Our best poets have not missed the physical sting of jealousy. Milton speaks of it as the "injured lover's hell," Dryden calls it "jaundice of the soul," and Shakespeare, "the green-eyed monster" - Othello.

"Jealousy lives upon doubts. It becomes madness or ceases entirely as soon as we pass from doubt to certainly." - La Rochefoucauld, French Moralist

Many of us assume that it is normal to be jealous when we love. After all, one doesn't plan to be jealous. It happens. Jealousy springs without warning - making a man doubt his worth and a woman her attraction. He loses his bearings, the world around her suddenly shrinks. "Why does she seem to have more to say to him than to me?", "Who's that girl he seems to be on the phone with more these days?" He/she starts noticing the teeniest detail and magnifies, exaggerates it without intending to.

Jealousy is one of the most destabilizing of all emotions. It can be defined as a person's fears and anxieties around attention that they think is being given to or received by the one who is dear and important to them.

Jealousy is also about a deep fear of the unknown and of change, fear of being abandoned and of losing that special someone. Jealous people feel often very insecure and anxious about their worthiness, feeling that they might not be good enough for the other partner. They may feel threatened by good qualities of other people comparing them to their own selves and worrying that the other part might leave them for another.

So, how is it possible to prevent these ugly thoughts from appearing and flooding one's mind? The best thing to start with is to start communicating your feelings with your partner. It is important to ask them why they have chosen especially you and also tell them openly that you love them. You may want to explain also that because they are so important to you, you are feeling jealous and insecure about that one other person you think might be a potential "third party". There is a great chance that your partner will reassure you of the fact that he/she is in a relationship with you because of feelings for you only and not as a "stand-in" until someone better comes along.

Never feel in a negative way about yourself and certainly do not talk negatively about yourself. (I'm talking about BOTH your concerns) Self confidence is always respected by others and if you constantly keep thinking about positive things when negative feelings start invading you, a habit of doing so will eventually erase the negative thoughts altogether.


I hope this helps.

Don't worry, kay?

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