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Friday, 29 May 2009


Tear-strewn face first thing in the morning.

Bloody hell.

My parents take too many things for granted.

It's driving me up the wall.

My already-frayed nerves are splitting.

Sometimes I wonder if they really know I exist.

I'm effing close to exploding.


Monday, 25 May 2009

Really... Really... Gah, just Random

Check out the total messy-ness of my living room =P
Yes, my cam-whoring sucks. I was just checking out my phone's camera
Shnuffles!!! haha. Kidding. It's Snowy
The Bracelet I bought for Gramps
The cover
It came with the CD/DVD
This is SO being my drink coaster when I'm in Singapore.

Call me nuts but I plan to bring along a few of their CDs' with me. As well as my "Harry Potter" mug and a novel or two. =)

What's That All About?

Give me ONE good reason why I shouldn't rip you apart and throw you to the sharks


That's right, because I'm only human

and because you're not worth the trouble

and I wouldn't want the poor sharks to suffer from stomach aches

It's times like these that really make me wonder if I'm suffering from multi-personality disorder

Woke up at 6.45am to send my siblings to school

Slept again

Woke up at 10am with a splitting headache

Practiced while trying not to black out

Liu Jian called to switch class to tomorrow

Told mum

Drove to grandmum's place in PJ

Had lunch



Headed to the hospital

Had enough corn to last me a lifetime

and coffee enough to keep me awake for a week

Debated on whether to start studying

and started blogging instead

Tell me I'm screwed. Cause I know I'm screwed. I just do NOT feel like swallowing my Econs textbooks/Law cases/Literary devices. I spent 3 hours in the hospital and I do NOT want to feel anymore depressed than I already am.

yes, you can laugh at me for ditching
the one person who might be the only one
who would come running to comfort me

guess what? I've got news for you...

I don't regret it, not ONE bit

Sunday, 24 May 2009

And We're Back To Square One

Went for a concert last night. For the first time in my entire life, I only got the tickets 40 minutes before the performance was due to start.

But it was worth going for. The violinist was good, fantastic, even. I didn't like the concerto much, but HER playing left quite a number of us breathless. Plus, she's not overly exaggerated. In terms of movement, I mean. =)

It's barely 9 in the morning now so forgive me if I'm not making any sense because I'm typing with my eyes only half open. O_o

Had some sort of a quarrel with my brother a few days ago. Some huge hoo-ha about me not picking him up from tuition (only because his smart-aleck of a friend told me that HIS father would be sending my brother home). And of course, being the genius that my brother is, barged into the house and started yelling about how "irresponsible" I am. I was already in a bad mood then, and so I shouted right back at him and said if he was going to be so ungrateful, he can walk to all his tuitions.

We didn't talk for a solid day after that.

He apologized the next day because, apparently, my sis was very uncomfortable with us ignoring one another. Quote: Fighting with "Kor Kor" (brother, in Chinese) is MY job.

Trust my sis to have a sense of humour for everything in life.

Anyways, I shall leave the mundane details and update when I have something interesting to share. =)

Me blog's starting to look real boring... I should post up some pictures/change my blogskin, no?

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Tagged by Lu Ee =)

1. Besides your lips , where is the favourite spot to get kissed ?
If I wanted to sound naughty, I'd say neck but... Nah... Cheeks =)

2. How did you feel when you woke up this morning ?
Bloated =P And no, I'm not pregnant. O_o

3. Who was the last person / people you took a photo with ?
Err... Does my dog count? ;)

4. Would you consider yourself spoiled?
A little sheltered, maybe. And loved a little excessively. =P But definitely not spoiled.

5. Will you ever donate blood ?
I CAN'T donate blood. I've got low blood pressure =)

6. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex ?
Yeah... I still do, actually

7. Do you want someone to be dead ?
If you've seen my facebook status then you'll know the answer.

8. What does your last text message say ?
"Yeah sure. No problem" 

9. What are you thinking right now ?
"I wanna sleep..."

1o. Do you want someone to be with you right now?
Who doesn't sometimes? But I'm fine on my own for now =)

11. What was the time you went to bed last night ?
1am, I think. I was listening to music on my sexy phone. lol why did that sound SO wrong??

12. Where did you buy the tee you are wearing now ?
A friggin blood red t-shirt. lol. It's my old "Rumah Merah" t-shirt from secondary school larr...

13. Is someone on your mind right now ?
yeah, my mom. I'm wondering how the check up's going on...

14. Who was the last person who text you ?

TEN Lucky Person to do this quiz...

1. Lu Ee (only because I know she won't do it again =P)
2. Choon Hui
3. Jia Rong
4. Carmen
5. Kent
6. Samuel
7. Jeremy
8. Pui Yee
9. James
10. Jebat

15. Who is no.2 having a relationship with ?
Choon Hui: the last time I checked, Mariah Carey. =P KIDDING!!!

16. Is no.3 a male or a female?
Jia Rong: female

17. If no.7 and no.1 get together , would it be a good?
OMO! Jeremy and Lu Ee??? No way larr... they don't know each other anyways.

18. What is no.1 studying about ?
Lu Ee: heehee. SPM right, girl? =P

19. When was the last time you chatted with them ?
them who? (as Lu Ee says)

20.Is no.4 single ?
I THINK so. O_o

21. Say something about no.2 .
Choon Hui: really great person to talk to when you're feeling frustrated =) Or when you're in any mood, really. 

22. What do you think about no.3 & no.6 being together ?
Jia Rong and Sam? Not bad actually, both whacky people, but I reckon it wouldn't last long. They're too different.

23. Describe no.9 .
James: I dunno about describe, but you should ask me this AFTER I see him tomorrow and screw him up for choosing that bloody difficult Mozart piece. HIS part's peanuts though. Grr...

24. What will you do if no.6 and no.7 fight ?
Jeremy and Sam fight all the time as it is. Dao Zhong and I just stand by and watch. And laugh =P

25. Do you like 8 ?
Pui Yee: Sweet girl larr... hard to NOT like. But i'm straight, thanks =)

Monday, 18 May 2009

Point Of No Return...

It's between stage 2 and 3...

Let's all just pray hard...

Since that's the only thing we can do.

Screw fate in all its unfairness.

Sunday, 17 May 2009

Wee Hush Puppies!!

Got a new pair of casual-wear sandals from Hush Puppies, courtesy of my aunt who was in a very charitable mood today. Haha! Cost RM239. Most expensive pair of sandals I've ever owned. Lol.

Had a drink with Su Yin, Jebat, James and Andrew in A&W after I passed Jebat's viola strings to him. Heh. Had quite a heated discussion with regards to yesterday's badminton match: M'sia and China, to which (obviously) we lost, due to the lack of mental stability on Koo Kean Kiat's part. Boon Heong was the stronger player last night, and if Kean Kiat had kept his cool (and had NOT shown his middle finger at the whole world in the 2nd game due to temper loss) they could have won.

Korea lost earlier this evening. But at least THEY showed good sportsmanship. Both teams played well, but then HaiFeng and CaiYun got really agressive at the end so... It was a good game, nevertheless, and a joy to watch. Fantastic entertainment, compared to (in my opinion) over paid drama-kings on the football pitch. =D

Ate at Nippon Tei, got the neccessary "cosmetics" and a nice pair of white gold+diamond earrings from Swarovski. Wanted to get the Hugo Boss watch as well (Original price RM2099, discount 80%, you do the math) but I don't wear watches often anyways, so...

I don't like accessorising, to be honest. The current pair of earrings I have on now have not been changed for the last few months. =)

Gonna indulge in some heavenly Haagen Daaz Chocolate ice-cream now. Heehee.

I'm a happy girl

Saturday, 16 May 2009

Of Tigers, Rabbits, Horses, Dogs and Warthogs =P

Had a crazy lunch with the family yesterday.

It's the first time I laughed so much since... well, a very long LONG time =)

Just came back from Leisure Mall. Went to get some things from Popular, Speedy... Bought the new Tohoshinki album ;) as well as a crystal bracelet for my grandmother which represents good health and longevity. =D 

I hope she'll like it... O_o

Was sorely tempted to get some statement T's from Giordano. One which said: I Ain't A Fashion Victim. Loved that one, but I didn't quite wanna spend that much... YET. Cause I'd already bought the CD/DVD which cost me 54.90, as well as the bracelet which was 80 bucks and 29.90 for an anime which is to be my going-away present for my sis.

I'm tired.

Sleep time! =)

Friday, 15 May 2009

Of Witchcraft and Wizardry...

Funny how things turn out sometimes, no? Some days you're sitting in your living room, stoning, and wondering how did you get to this stage in your life in a blink of an eye... Next minute you're up on your feet and doing something else, then you look back again and gasp...

Has that much time passed???

Or maybe it just happens to people like me who would like to take a step back from their crazy life and look at how far they've come. O_o

My dad and I were sitting infront of the Mac last night, browsing on Youtube, watching jazz musicians perform live.

Jazz musicians from 20++ years ago.

It started with Lina giving me a link to a Yamaha Clavinova recording of a Japanese girl playing the theme song from "One Piece" (an anime). My parents were there, so they watched it along with me. After that, my dad was like: any more?

Off it went from the likes of Japanese Junior Original Concerts to Max Takano, to Hiroshi Kubota, followed by Sadao Watanabe, then Lee Ritenour, Steve Gadd, Dave Grusin, Don Grusin etc. And the list goes on...

I've seen Max Takano twice, I think. He came to Malaysia on numerous occasions to perform and give lecturers. For those of you who don't know him, he plays the electone, and specialises in orchestrations. I'm not a big fan of electone-ized orchestral music, to be honest- because most of them come out sounding like crap, but with Max Takano, you could close your eyes and picture a full orchestra performing. His usage and combis of the registration available to him on the electone are just scarily amazing.

Needless to say, my parents love his performances and make it a point to go everytime he comes. As I watched the videos last night, I was left to think: if only I was a bit older, then I would've appreciated his playing when I heard it. As it is, I only remember his name and that he played the electone. I have watched countless of other electone performers and they're good, no doubt, but after last night...

I realise how blind I've been.

That's only a part of what I was thinking about as I watched these musicians and witnessed the extent to which they are passionate about what they do. I used to have this idea that all jazz musicians do are jam chords and play complicated rhythms that no one understands. Watching it live, it's a completely different experience, I had a small taste of that when Rachel and I went for the Fourplay concert in DFP. Then watching them up close on video last night... The smiles on their faces, the pure expression of complete bliss and the joy of being able to play on stage and love it.

And after last night, I wonder if I'd ever get the chance to perform like that, alongside close friends who enjoy it as much as I do, play music and love it. Doesn't matter if it's jazz or classical or even mainstream pop (though I'm sorry, I will not tolerate rock), just...

Not for the money, not for the glory, not because of the fame that comes along with being a good performer, not because it's the only thing I'm good at...

Just because I love it.

I wonder if _________ will cause me to lose that love... I pray not.

Thursday, 14 May 2009

Sphor, Lalo AND.... Mozart!

Haha. Just some random piano trios we're trying out. I kinda like the Mozart one, though my part's killer, but the melody's simple enough. It's just a lot of running notes, if you look closely enough. =) Looked a little at the 3 pieces earlier and the Lalo and Sphor just confuses me. O_o

I haven't been updating much, because there's barely anything to update about! I'd just finished my Lit 3 exam (Hamlet) a few days ago, and I'm free for 3 weeks till my next paper/MPYO camp.

Speaking of which, I'd better get those parts out and start practicing. Haven't even thought about the 8-bar thing yet...

OOHHH! And I STILL have not TOUCHED my Econs notes/books. I think my brain has shut off anything to do with Economics. Seriously, I'm not even joking. Everytime I memorize those darn theories, I forget them the minute I put my notes down. When I'm reading through questions, I think I know how to do them, but when I sit down and want to write my answers. nothing comes out. I have absolutely no idea why. Perhaps the subject is err... "not my thing" if that's the only way I can put it.


Oh well, like it or not, I'll have to scrape at least a "B" for it or my parents will have my head on a silver platter.

And so it shall be plain memorizing and regurgitating for me because I have no intentions of taking the trouble to actually understand the damn thing. Knowing my brain capabilities (which is not much, to be honest), by the time I understand why the hell they make up those effing theories which don't even bloody work, I'd have memorized all cases for Law.

I think that's probably why I've shut off whatever our dear lecturer has taught us after the topic of "Unemployment". Whatever I've "learnt" after that was bloody rubbish, because it's always: Ladidadida... this works for the long term BUT Yakyakyak; or Blablabla this applies to third world countries BUT the first world countries are the ones to blame; or this theory works wonders when you look at ONE commodity BUT doesn't do crap if you wanna analyse 2 commodities.

Then why effing ask me to remember stuff that don't work in reality?

I'm just not a statistics type of person. Gimme Maths anyday, I LOVE maths. But don't shove tables, graphs and theories in my face and expect me to memorize them IF I don't see a purpose for it.

I should've taken Maths or Physics instead of Economics. At least THOSE subjects are based on stone-cold solid facts... O_o

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Economics or Economists... I'm just not suited to the subject, that's all. I salute those who are genius enough to think up ways to improve the economy as well as those who study it. But then again, those theories are the very reason for our current economy to be going downhill.

Blehh... or maybe there's something hidden between the lines and I'm just too stupid to see it.

Perhaps I am, just an idiot. =)

So sue me

Sunday, 10 May 2009

Can't Help It

It's like asking Hercule Poirot and Sherlock Holmes not to solve mysteries.

It's like telling a dance addict not to go out on the dance floor.

It's like ordering a chef not to touch his utensils.

It's like commanding me to not think about the past...

Eng Lit Unit 3 tomorrow at 2.30pm.

Violin class at 4pm.

3 weeks break.

MPYO camp.


MPYO Concert.

Continuation of exams.

Tell me, how does one survive???

And it doesn't help that my parents expect me to study 6 hours and practice 6 hours PER DAY. Seriously, what am I? Effing Robot? Best part is, they'd rather I practice more than study, but still want nothing less than 3 A's for my upcoming A-levels.

Someone PLEASE dig an effing hole, DUMP me inside (make sure you kill me before that), cover the hole with sand 6 meters deep and seal it with CEMENT. I'd actually thank you for it.

You're the kind of person people emigrate to avoid.

If all of us could be likened to a composed heap, then you're the biggest weed growing out of it.

You are the person whom I've had the misfortune of turning my nose up to.

I spurn you as I would spurn a rabid dog.

You are, the carbunkle on the BACKSIDE of humanity.


Don't you wish we'd never crossed paths? I know I do.

Thursday, 7 May 2009


You've taken one too many people away from me. Isn't it enough that most of them are people I care about? Why do You insist on making things more difficult as they are?

It's not like she's in immediate danger, I know that. But it pains me that yet another person I care deeply about will never be the same again. That she might have to rely on some life-support machine... 

Can't You ever leave us alone?

If so much bad news accompanies one good news, I'd rather not have the good news.

I hate hospitals, and yet I would have to spend many more hours in one, shedding tears when a pathetic sight greets me. It's depressing how easily one gets affected when one sees another in a hospital bed with all the alien equipment surrounding that person, needles poked in all the most uncomfortable places...

I nearly cried when I heard her voice over the phone. Her confident-self  had disappeared, replaced with a stranger's uncertainty. Screw YOU for ruining our momentary happiness.


Why the F*ck do You inflict all fatal diseases on those who don't deserve them while criminals live like kings??? Frankly, I've lost ALL my faith in You.

Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Just Because...


doesn't mean it has to be the way it is now.

Why can't we just go back to the way we were before all that sh*t happened?

Why do you have to make this so difficult?

Is it that bad till you have to pretend to be deaf whenever I'm around now?

You know what? I wish to the heavens that I could say I don't care, but no, it's bugging me. Seriously. Ever heard of being a gentleman? The least you could do is acknowledge my existence. You know what? Screw you.

Had dinner at some Chinese restaurant earlier to sorta celebrate my maternal Grandmother's birthday. Had fun as usual, talking about anything that comes to mind, which is the case in every family dinner.  =) Food was really good. I'm stuffed. heh.

College was fine, I guess. Been quite monotonous lately, go to class, talk crap, finish class, eat, go back home... Nothing exciting happens in class, really. Not since exams are approaching, so our lecturers have taken a more serious attitude towards our studies. Been writing essays EVERYDAY for eng lit. Doing a question on Heaney tomorrow and I can only PRAY that I don't utterly foul it up.

I can't wait to play badminton on Friday. I've been itching to play since the '09 Jan batch started playing every free period they get, which is what we used to do.

I HOPE I still remember how to hold the darn racquet. O_o

Tuesday, 5 May 2009

First "Blogpost" Response, if that's what ya'll call it. =)

I'm actually blogging about this in response to a blog post done by my sis not long ago which was entitled "Answering Questions". Not that I've got too much free time on my hands, but I thought I'd better say something about it because what my sis provided wasn't strictly accurate as she did not know the full details.

This "Ravendran" guy was the phoney doc in charge of my grandma after she'd fallen ill the week after her own sister (who comes by our place very often) passed away 2 years back. What she actually needed was dialysis,  because the level of toxicality in her blood had reached an alarming level. In short, her kidneys were malfunctioning, which caused her body to weaken.

Only we only found out when she was at the brink of death.

What actually happened was, my parents had told the Ravendran-bastard about her sister's passing, and he immediately diagnosed her condition as depression. Following the diagnosis was being transferred into the ICU after a mild heart-attack (more details to come) and 20 different types medications which were supposed to "strengthen" her "weak" heart.

Funny, because later, when we transferred her over to Sunway Med, the docs there declared that her heart was the healthiest organ in her body, and that the first blood test (Ravendran had taken TWO blood tests) would have told ANY doc that she needed dialysis.

To make things worse, her mild heart-attack (which caused her to be permanently bed-ridden) would never have happened if she hadn't been given blood transfussion on top of all the other chemicals Ravendran was pouring down her throat.

We thought the bastard was plain stupid. But then we found out that Pantai didn't have the dialysis equipment/machinery. I'll leave you guys to form your own conclusions, but it seemed to my family and I, that they were simply keeping her there so we would run up the hospital bills. The total expense of her stay in that sad excuse of a hospital cost my parents a whooping 40 thousand bucks.

Best part was, the impossibly inhuman animal could only manage a "I've tried my best" whenever my parents asked about my grandmother's condition. So in the end, we decided that if she wasn't going to get any better, we might as well bring her back home.

And you know what the effing monster said???

"It's up to you, but you should not move her around."

Thankfully we DID decide to move her, and we were already preparing for the worst as she could barely keep her eyes open. Our closest relatives came to visit and my aunt and uncle even prayed for her. My dad didn't want to give up, so he thought that we'd give Sunway a go after my aunt suggested it.

One look at the first blood test and she immediately underwent dialysis.

Slowly, her appetite returned, her body strengthened, but she never regained the use of her legs. Her taste buds had also been permanently destroyed because of the all the uneccessary medicines that Ravendran had been shoving down her throat.

I was never a big fan of my grandmother's, for reasons I shall not disclose, but that bastard is just BEGGING for his neck to be wrung.

SO whatever hospital it is, please PLEASE ensure that nobody you care about has the misfortune of being hospitalised in Pantai Cheras.

Err... that's about it, I guess. heh...

No Hye Sung please... But gimme Jun Jin ANYDAY =D

From LOUISA's blog:

Yeah, you got me. I had a dream a few nights before involving my sister being engaged to Hye Sung. It was so weird, and half believable, half unbelievable, and since it wasn't really finished, because it ended when my sister's phone started ringing the alarm. It was the song "Still" and I had to get up and switch it off. 

Anyways, after I told my sister, I was like "You know what? We should make a twist in it. We should say Yun Ho and Jun Jin came in at that moment and stopped the wedding. Then Micky will come in after that. Yun Ho and Jun Jin will do a dance battle and Micky and Hye Sung will sing to settle the score."

"As a conclusion, Yun Ho will marry you and Micky will be mine!!!"

But my sis is still torn between Jun Jin and Yun Ho. O_o Since they're both still at an o-kay age for her to consider =)

:P Hey, trust me, I'd love Hye Sung to be my husband, but for one, I don't want one and another, he's too old for me. Hello? 9 years difference is still considerably o-kay, but SIXTEEN years? That's too much.

Just so you people know, whatever immature phrases used above were constructed by my sis in HER blog. I just didn't know how to para-phrase her words (if it's possible in the first place) so I just cheated and copied-then-pasted it here.

Ah yes... Laugh all you want. I don't wish to deprive myself entirely of my girly-ness. If there's such a term. O_o And yes, this maybe hard to believe, but I like hot Korean guys. Well, 2 hot Korean artiste, to be precise. *winces at the huge amount of laughter*

Ordinarily, I wouldn't be blogging about something as trivial as such, but since I'm bored and the dream mentioned above is nothing I've ever had before, I figured I'd just mention it. =)

Leave it to my sis to dream about something THAT far-fetched. She's been watching too much of Hye Sung, I reckon. And too much Anime, to boot. Which explains the unrealistic-ness of the dream. For one, my Korean ain't anywhere near sufficient to communicate with a local, let alone have one as a boyfriend, on top of that, both Hye Sung and Jun Jin (let's face it) are WAY too old for me.

Sides, I'm not anywhere near attractive enough for a normal guy in M'sia, let alone some Korean hottie who's constantly surrounded hotter Korean (plastic-surgery-aided) chicks.

God, I'm making myself gag.

Never knew I was capable of sounding SO immature. Just to clear things up a little, as much as some may not believe, I'm no idiot. I know the difference between dreams and reality.

So just buzz off and leave me alone to fawn over them for the remainder of time I can afford to do so. ^_^

Monday, 4 May 2009

Sony Ericsson W705

I Absolutely LOVE it =)

Finally decided to take it out of the box.

It looks so shiny... =P

Got it from Pavilion cause it was on promotion. =D

Had Korean food last night.

Bought a new pair of spectacle frame - Solvititus New Arrival. ^_^

Loaded some songs into my new phone via Bluetooth.

Did reasonably well in my lit essay this morning.

Surprising, but I actually feel like practising. =)

I'm a happy girl.

Saturday, 2 May 2009


comes sneaking... 

The next thing you know... 

it takes away one of your loved ones, 

leaving behind tears.