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Saturday, 28 February 2009

What Should I Do?

I had a nasty dream last night... I dreamt that my audition hadn't passed, and when I DID go for the audition, Mr.X (I won't mention who) was one of the panel. I played well, despite the nerves of having to play in front of him.

Then, he later approached me and asked if I have a back-up plan and that he thinks I don't stand a chance. O_o

What d'ya make of that huh?

I woke up feeling all dejected and depressed... Then I realised it was just an effing dream. But then, I started thinking: what if I really don't stand a chance? What if the dream is a preparation for the answer I'm gonna get?

I think I preferred the dreams about walking into my own coffin. And I'm not joking.

In any case, my parents and I have already accepted the fact that there's a high probability I won't get in. Therefore, I'm going ahead with LTCL for piano and ATCL for violin. I need something to work towards or I'll just rot. Dad wants me to start teaching again, but I don't think I wanna do that. Not if he intends for me to drive all the way to Sungai Long to have to stand the nonsense of a handful of students.

Haven't got the pieces laid down though. Mom reckons I should work on strengthening my fingers and correct my bad wrist posture before I learn any of the LT pieces. Ah... Berringer and Czerny shall be my best pals for now.

I'd most probably still end up doing a Bach and a Mozart. =D

Aunt wants me to try Beethoven though. O_o"

On top of all that, I've still got my college work and studying to catch up on. I'm terribly behind in Econs and Law. But I have pretty much covered whatever I lost out for Law, since Mei Xin lent me her notes and Choon Hui went through them with me. Eng Lit's as if I never left, thanks to the reading I've done consistently, but Econs... Oh boy, I didn't understand a single word that was coming out of her (Mrs Chiu's) mouth.

To make things worse, I've got 2 Lit essays due Monday and a Law essay due Wednesday. Someone shoot me please?

Is it a crime for one to wish for security and protection?


Jebat said...

about the possibility of continuing with exams - i personally wouldn't do that, but it's up to you.

if you feel that your technique needs some brushing up before you enter a conservatory (whether or not you get in this year), then i don't think you should continue with exams. i've been through that and wouldn't want to see anyone else have to suffer eventually, like me.

that's what i think, at least.

Clarissa said...

Yeah... I probably shouldn't. Thanks for the advice, Jebat. I shall need to have a talk with my parents.

Certificates are not everything...