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Tuesday, 16 December 2008

To Be Or Not To Be...

I Think I can do it. It's really not that difficult. At least I can look at it and laugh, instead of feeling tears building up as I did 2 days ago. I can honestly tell myself that, with time, I will be able to let go fully. I'll forget everything and move on.

It'll be easier once I don't see the subject of my depression.

It's 3.30 in the morning now so I may not be making sense at the mo'. I feel like venting out my feelings but I don't have anyone to tell them to. The one I can talk to is not here so, too bad. And the one I thought I could talk to is, well... Nuff said.

It doesn't hurt as much anymore though. That's a good thing right? I mean, technically, it doesn't hurt anymore. I just feel a dull ache in my chest whenever unwanted memories start cropping up. And whenever I start to dream or wish for a miracle, my brain immediately puts up a defense system which screams "NO!" and shakes the very idea away from my being.

You know what I need? I need a distraction. Something to keep my mind off what I think about 24/7. Thankfully, I'd be able to do that starting (hopefully) tomorrow onwards, when I can dive into the wonderful world of practicing. I'll cram all my energy into practice and studies so that I don't screw my life up any further.

It's pretty clear, what you're trying to do... but I'd like it if you'd talk to me and clear things up. I hate leaving it like this, cause it only proves how much of a coward you are.

4 comments:

tikiyong said...

....... huh?

oXYmoroN© said...

"And the one I thought I could talk to is, well... Nuff said."

Is what? Was insincere? Had ulterior motives? Was only interested in his own benefits?

Or maybe he really did care. And it sucks when you genuinely try to help and people think you're trying to take advantage of the situation.

Clarissa said...

I never said that. I'm happy you were there to comfort me that night. That statement was not refering to you. I value my friendships, which includes ours. I know you care, and I'm thankful for having friends like you, Lu Ee and Jebat.

oXYmoroN© said...

if that's the case, then nothing more shall be said.