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Sunday, 30 November 2008


I don't normally read forwarded e-mail, but seeing that this was from Fiona, I decided to open the file before deleting it and actually found it quite interesting.

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

You can only go as far as you push!

Actions speak louder than words.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.

Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.

Some people make the world special by just being in it.

Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.

True friendship never ends. F

riends are forever.

Good friends are like stars....you don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Don't frown, you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

Everything is okay in the end.

If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Most people walk in and out of your life, but only friends leave footprints in your heart.

If u love something...let it go.

If it comes back to you its yours....

If it doesn't then it never was.

A kiss is just a kiss until u find the one you love.

A hug is just a hug>until its from the one ur thinking of.

A dream is just a dream until u make it come true.

LOVE is just a word until its proven 2 u.

I love the last statement. Guys, in particular, should think about this. =)

Concert at DFP

Finally watched Twilight!!! Movie was okay except for the part where they cut a HUGE chunk out of the romantic scene. *growls* That part is like, the best part in the entire movie!! Bella was pretty, but the tone of her voice sorta changes when she gets worked up. O_o Edward Cullen was...

A disappointment. Both Liu Yi and I thought that Tom Felton would have made a better Edward. Robert Pattinson's face is too... long. AND he's quite stiff sometimes. Especially when he was trying to refrain from "killing" Bella, his "effort" looked like he had a bad case of constipation.

But, the fighting scene with James was terrific. I mean, not the best graphics I've ever encountered, but good enough. Quite gruesome when he broke Bella's leg, bit her and threw her across the room twice; nerve-wrecking when him and Edward were fighting; and completely gross when Alice jumped onto James and literally ripped his head off. I thought Victoria was better looking than Rosalie and Alice was gorgeous!

Was put-off a little by the romance. I mean, they weren't sweet enough, in my opinion. The words and actions were there, but I didn't feel it coming through. It felt better when I read the book. Haha!

Derrick, however, was supremely moved by the love-birds. He came out with his eyes all watery. Haha!

Eben, on the other hand, *quote* NEARLY fell asleep.

There were tremors under our row throughout the movie. We all could feel it. Wonder what people do down there...

Went to DFP to meet up with a few other: James, Lu Ee and David. Then Liu Yi, Lu Ee and I went off to the Ladies' Room so that Liu Yi and I could get changed. I couldn't believe I let Lu Ee talk me into wearing a dress. It's the black and white one I got from Tangs awhile ago, but never got around to wearing it. Felt weird, going to dinner (Nando's) in such formal attire.

Did the usual: joke, eat, joke somemore, and pictures. I'm waiting for Duncan and Eben to upload them into Facebook so I can "curi". =P

Concert was okay. I liked Ria!, but didn't fancy the rest. I've never been a big fan of modern composers. The notes clash too much for my taste, no key sense and most of us kept ourselves awake by giggling silently at the people in front of us who were drifting asleep. Especially the dude sitting in front of Liu Yi. His head was literally going around in circles. HAHA!

Oh, Liu Yi and I bumped into Liu Jian backstage. Liu Jian couldn't recognise me at first. Said she had to look twice. =P

Anyways, after concert, we went over to Auntie Guey Shian's place. Dad required my assistance to get the Minus 1 track down for "Grown Up Christmas List". Helped play the melody and identified some tricky Jazz chords. Uncle Nelen's Macs are A-MA-ZING! He's got two screens lined up together and it acts as a huge rectangular monitor. Cool huh?

We went back home at 3am. Needless to say, I was exhausted and badly needed sleep. Gotta train up somemore violinists, go for Liu Jian's class, have practice for Grip/Brand New World, High School Musical and Breeze and You (Mom's playing on the Clavi!) AND pack for camp. O_o

I got one word for you: DIE!

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Tagged by sis... Again

1) Spell your name without vowels:
Clrss Ng Py Wn

2) What is the date 2 days after your birthday?
23rd April

3) How many pairs of jeans do you own?
4, the last time I checked. But I don't always wear all of them.

4) How many are designer?
3 of them

5) What color do you wear most?

6) Least favourite color:
Bright, Blinding Pink

7) Last song heard on the radio:
Love Theme From St. Elmo's Fire

8) What's for dinner tonite?
Rice. IF my maid decides to cook.

9) Are you happy with your life right now?
What's not to be happy about?

10) Tell me a secret about one of your siblings:
My sis and I think our brother's gay. (Ssh! Don't tell him I said that!)

11) Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity?
Nah... Have you SEEN me?? One of the ghosts from a Japanese horror movie, maybe. Haha!

12) Who did you last call on your cell phone?
Claris Music Sdn Bhd

13) Do you own a...
- PS2?:

-XBOX 360?:

- PSP?:
do I LOOK like I want one??

Eww! No!


14) In what state or country do you want to go to school after highschool?
Eyeing Singapore. But I wouldn't mind UK/US

15) Do you shop at stores like Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, or Aeropostale?
No, I don't. I go for Giordano, Esprit, Elle, Calvin Klein, British India, Levi's etc.

16) How do you make money?
Teach part-time

17) Last thing you bought over 50 dollars?
Fiona's b'day present

18) How's the weather?
Sucky. It's M'sia, for Christ's sake.

19) When do you start Summer Break?
No such thing over here. It's summer all year round.

20) Are you missing someone right now?

21) What chores do you have around the house?
Let's see...
And when desperate times call for desperate measures: study

22) Finish this sentence. I wish...
I could kill the person who invented the idea of "Tagging"

23) One word to describe you:

24) Favorite pair of shoes:
My darling Sketchers!! I still love my Hush Puppies sandals though. =D

25) Do you own big sunglasses?
What's sunglasses? =P

26)Do you find yourself attractive?
*Gak!* What kinda question is this? Only the most narcistic person would say "Yes"

27) Why is the first person in your Top 8 in the spot?
Because my sis gets along well with that person.

28) What would you rather be doing right now?
Sleeping =D

29) What should you be doing right now?
Bathing and getting ready to go out shopping for my sis' costumes.

30) Have you kissed your boyfriend/girlfriend lately?

31) Last IM you recieved?
From Aziff

32) Last myspace message you recieved?

33) Who did you hug today?
If you count the affectionate whack on my sis' shoulder a "hug" then yes, my dog =P

34) What are you going to do now?
Watch some "MadTV" videos.

I'm not gonna bother tagging anyone. I'm tired of all that. Louisa, I hope you realise I'm only doing this cause I've got absolutely nothing else to do with my time. =D

Monday, 24 November 2008

John Keats

Ode To Fanny
PHYSICIAN Nature! Let my spririt blood!
O ease my heart of verse and let me rest;
Throw me upon thy Tripod, till the flood
Of stifling numbers ebbs from my full breast.
A theme! a theme! great nature! give a theme;
Let me begin my dream.
I come - I see thee, as thou standest there,
Beckon me not into the wintry air.


Ah! dearest love, sweet home of all my fears,
And hopes, and joys, and panting miseries, -
To-night, if I may guess, thy beauty wears
A smile of such delight,
As brillinat and as bright,
As when with reavished, aching, vassal eyes,
Lost in soft amaze, I gaze, I gaze!


Who now, with greedy looks, eats up my feast?
What stare outfaces now my silver moon!
Ah! keep that hand unravished at the least;
Let, let, the amorous burn -
But pr'ythee, do not turn
The current of your heart from me so soon.
O! save, in charity, The quickest pulse for me.


Save it for me, sweet love! though music breathe
Voluptuous visions into the warm air;
Though swimming through the dance's dangerous wreath,
Be like an April day,
Smiling and cold and gay,
A temperate lilly, temperate as fair;
Then, Heaven! there will be
A warmer June for me.


Why, this, you'll say, my Fanny! is not true:
Put your soft hand upon your snowy side,
Where the heart beats: confess - 'tis nowthing new -
Must not a woman be
A feather on the sea,
Sway'd to and fro by every wind and tide?
Of as uncertain speed
As blow-ball from the mead?


I know it - and to know it is despair
To one who loves you as I love, sweet Fanny!
Whose heart goes fluttering for you every where,
Nor, when away you roam,
Dare keep its wretched home,
Love, love alone, his pains severe and many:
Then, loveliest! keep me free,
From torturing jealousy.


Ah! if you prize my subdued soul above
The poor, the fading, brief, pride of an hour;
Let none profane my Holy See of love,
Or with a rude hand break
The sacramental cake:
Let none else touch the just new-budded flower;
If not - may my eyes close,
Love! on their lost repose.

You Say You Love

You say you love; but with a voice
Chaster than a nun's, who singeth
The soft Vespers to herself
While the chime-bell ringeth -
O love me truly!


You say you love; but with a smile
Cold as sunrise in September,
As you were Saint Cupid's nun,
And kept his weeks of Ember.
O love me truly!


You say you love - but then your lips
Coral tinted teach no blisses.
More than coral in the sea -
They never pout for kisses -
O love me truly!


You say you love; but then your hand
No soft squeeze for squeeze returneth,
It is like a statue's dead -
While mine to passion burneth -
O love me truly!


O breathe a word or two of fire!
Smile, as if those words should burn be,
Squeeze as lovers should -
O kiss And in thy heart inurn me!
O love me truly!
About The Poet

John Keats

John Keats was born in Finsbury Pavement near London on October 31st, 1795. The first son of a stable-keeper, he had a sister and three brothers, one of whom died in infancy. When John was eight years old, his father was killed in an accident. In the same year his mother married again, but little later separated from her husband and took her family to live with her mother. John attended a good school where he became well acquainted with ancient and contemporary literature. In 1810 his mother died of consumption, leaving the children to their grandmother. The old lady put them under the care of two guardians, to whom she made over a respectable amount of money for the benifit of the orphans. Under the authority of the guardians, he was taken from school to an be apprentice to a surgeon. In 1814, before completion of his apprenticeship, John left his master after a quarrel, becoming a hospital student in London. Under the guidance of his friend Cowden Clarke he devoted himself increasingly to literature. In 1814 Keats finally sacrificed his medical ambitions to a literary life.He soon got acquainted with celebrated artists of his time, like Leigh Hunt, Percy B. Shelley and Benjamin Robert Haydon. In May 1816, Hunt helped him publish his first poem in a magazine. A year later Keats published about thirty poems and sonnets printed in the volume "Poems".

After receiving scarce, negative feedback, Keats travelled to the Isle of Wight on his own in spring of 1817. In the late summer he went to Oxford together with a newly-made friend, Benjamin Bailey. In the following winter, George Keats married and emigrated to America, leaving the consumptuous brother Tom to the John's care. Apart from helping Tom against consumption, Keats worked on his poem "Endymion". Just before its publication, he went on a hiking tour to Scotland and Ireland with his friend Charles Brown. First signs of his own fatal disease forced him to return prematurely, where he found his brother seriously ill and his poem harshly critisized. In December 1818 Tom Keats died. John moved to Hampstead Heath, were he lived in the house of Charles Brown. While in Scotland with Keats, Brown had lent his house to a Mrs Brawne and her sixteen-year-old daughter Fanny. Since the ladies where still living in London, Keats soon made their acquaintance and fell in love with the beautiful, fashionable girl. Absorbed in love and poetry, he exhausted himself mentally, and in autumn of 1819, he tried to gain some distance to literature through an ordinary occupation.

An unmistakeable sign of consumption in February 1820 however broke all his plans for the future, marking the beginning of what he called his "postmumous life". He could not enjoy the positive resonance on the publication of the volume "Lamia, Isabella &c.", including his most celebrated odes. In the late summer of 1820, Keats was ordered by his doctors to avoid the English winter and move to Italy. His friend Joseph Severn accompanied him south - first to Naples, and then to Rome. His health improved momentarily, only to collapse finally. Keats died in Rome on the 23rd of February, 1821. He was buried on the Protestant Cemetary, near the grave of Caius Cestius. On his desire, the following lines were engraved on his tombstone:

"Here lies one whose name was writ in water."

Sunday, 23 November 2008


I never knew there was an SS19. Haha. Shows how much I pay attention when I'm being driven around. As I mentioned to my aunt during the drive to Auntie Eik May's place, I NEVER paid any attention to roads until AFTER I got my license.

Anyways, I was there for a small-scale performance. Played both movements of the Bach Partita. It was okay, I guess. I was so nervous that I almost went out of coordination. Typically me, I suppose. That, is what happens when you don't perform enough in public.

The "Concert" was to prepare Grace (Aunt's student) for her ATCL exam next week. She played quite well. But I thought her "Pathetique" was too slow. First movement in particular, and she messed up a little in her 3rd movement. Second movement was beautiful. I mean, maybe I'm a little biased, cause I really love that part of the piece. =P

Her Brahms was okay, just that some of the notes in the right hand didn't come out well. I played the same one she's doing for my ATCL 2 years ago (Intermezzo in A), so I'm probably prejudiced, cause my mom only stopped yelling at me to "Bring out the melody line!!!" the night before my exam. O_o;

Her Bach was...

*No comment*

Not that it wasn't good, but I was never a fan of Bach's Prelude and Fugue (s) so... Yeah. Which explains why I was the only student my mom sent in (for ATCL) who didn't do a Prelude and Fugue. Instead, she risked it with the "Italian Concerto", also by Bach. I didn't know it was a "risk", as put by my mom, until after I got my results. Apparently, my mom wasn't sure if I could do it.

Shows how much faith she had in me, huh?

It was an enjoyable afternoon, generally. We had tea and some snacks after the performances. There were 2 others who played. A flautist (he played a Mozart) and another pianist (duet with Auntie Eik May). The pianist was Japanese. Her husband was there too, and her daughter as well. While we were sipping on those dainty cups (VERY English) she (the Japanese lady, I didn't catch her name) said that she used to learn as a girl back in Japan. After she started sending her daughter (Ayako) for lessons, she wanted to learn again. She regretted giving up the piano. At that precise statement, my aunt shot me a very meaningful look.

Not MY fault that I don't play well enough to keep it as my major! Anyways, I LIKE playing in the orchestra. Not many pianists get to play in the orchestra (as pointed out by Duncan previously), only one, and hardly even...

OBVIOUSLY she doesn't see that. Wish I could... Gah, nevermind.

Wokay, time for another mind-gruelling rehearsal. *groans*

Hurt my big toe. Lost a substantial amount of blood. =P

Yes, I kicked a chair whilst tutoring the violinists for "Singing in the Rain" and now certain parts of the carpetted floor has got blood stains. So sue me. I didn't do it on purpose.

Friday, 21 November 2008

Life's Brief Candle

Performing in a small-scale concert tomorrow.

Playing Bach.

Slow or fast movement. Haven't made up my mind.

Not gonna be able to perform for Times Square.

Cuz that clashes with the RIA! concert on the 29th.

Hopefully I can catch a movie before that.

I'm dying to watch "Twilight"!

Not very happy with myself at the mo'.

Scales suck like crap.

Haven't touched the Bruch for quite some time.

Have yet to start learning a piano piece worth learning.

Semi-regretting my decision to switch my major from piano to violin.

Trying NOT to regret, but aunt keeps rubbing it in.

Yes, I do better in piano exams than I do in violin.

Though my marks have always been "Distinctions"...

The greatest morons on earth who can barely play their pieces can f*cking PASS.

WHAT, makes you think I'm really that good???

These few months have really opened up my eyes.

Nothing is what it seems.

You get let down more than you'd like.

People enjoy rubbing salt into wounds.

I was SO full of myself that I thought I may have been able to scrape through what I want to do with little effort.

I was WRONG!

Nevermind that, I'll never be wrong again. (In this aspect, at least)

I'll deal with it when it comes.

Right now, it's time to slave my butt off.

It's time to make this right.

Monday, 17 November 2008


By my own sistah...

1)name 8 ppl you wish to tag:
why don't you go outside, and go f*ck, I mean, TAG yourself?

2) Describe yourself in one word

3) Who would you pick, someone who really loves you or someone you love?
What kinda question is THAT? I'd like my relationship to NOT be one-sided, thanks. You love me, I love you. Geddit??

4) Have you ever loved someone but never had the courage to tell him/her?
I dunno bout "love", but "like" certainly.

5) How would you react if someone rejects your confession face to face?
I am the last living organism on earth capable of confessing.

6) God is giving you just 5 more minutes before going back to heaven, if you love someone special, what will you say to that person?
Mom, I know I've angered you on more than one occasion, but...
I'm dying larr! PLEASE let me enjoy the last minutes I have that doesn't involve practicing!!!

I'm JOKING, alright!

7) What will you say to a person who doesn't want to believe you?

8) Was there ever a time that you tried to learn to love someone?
Nope, never, not gonna happen. I believe in love taking its natural course. "Learning" to love someone is like force-feeding a dying pup.

9) Do you have someone special with you all the time?
Yes, I do.

10) Long distance love?
Never attempted.

11) Best place to cry?
My bedroom. DUH! Or maybe on someone's shoulder =P

12)love the most?
My family

13) Ever hated someone so bad?
YESH! I do RIGHT now!! But it's more of annoyance, actually... heh

14) biggest and most hurtful lie you've heard?
Clare! You look so pretty!!

15) The last person you had beer with?
Me no likey beer. I'm more of a wine person. =)

16) The last person you went to the movies with?
Can't remember. Seriously. My family, I think.

17) The last person you talked on the cell phone with?
Aunt Nancy

18) The last person you hugged?
Strictly P&C. =D

19) The last person you yelled at?
My sis. Just a few seconds ago

20) In the last week, have you kissed someone?
*Gawks* Why so "Pat Gua" wan???

21)Think of the last time you were angry, why were you angry?
Err... because I was being ignored?

22) If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
Get accepted into YST.

23) If you could have an all expense paid trip, where would you go?
JAPAN!!! Or maybe Rome. Heh

24) Are you old fashioned?
Nah, I don't think so. Old-fashioned in my moral principles, maybe. But I do swear. =D

25) What/who would be the hardest thing/person for you to give up on?
Music/my mom

26) Five facts about me
-I love music
-I enjoy composing
-I've got a HUGE craving for pizza at the mo'
-I like playing leisure pieces on the piano
-I like myself. Just the way I am. =)

Louisa, out of all the grizzly tags I've done, THIS is by far the LAMEST! I only did it cause you're my sis, so be thankful!

Backed into a Corner with No Where Else To Go...

Quite a dull day... I attended Law in the morning, as usual, but decided to come home for awhile as I simply had no idea what to do in my 3-hour break before the 2nd Law period. Partly it was to get Choon Hui's CDs, but I really wanted to get some rest.

But of course, I winded up practicing. O_o;

I realised afterward that I shouldn't have bothered going to college at all since I was barely awake throughout Law (Mrs Dharma was doing a topic that would definitely come up in the 4-choose-2 essays paper2, which I insist on omitting-ON Mrs Dharma's recommendation) and I skived off Econs cause I had to get ready for my Violin class with Liu Jian. And honestly, I wasn't in the mood for Mrs Chiu's brooding Economic Theories.

Came across someone's composition last night. A student of my mom's best friend did a song. Personally, I think it's great. Well, she's only 15, so...

Anyways, the title of the song is "15Days". Lyrics were really not bad. Though a little on the "soppy" side, according to mum, I think it's one that most of us can relate to.

Generally, it's about surviving 15 Days without talking to his/her love interest. I found the melody a little weird, maybe it's just the arrangement. Lol. I envy her. I've written/composed a huge wad of junk since back in form 1 and no one has bothered arranging anything for me. Not even my own dad. And here he is. treating some other girl's work like a Picasso painting.

Don't I sound JUST like a jealous brat?

That aside, nothing very eventful. Oh yeah, I'd be doing a small performance in Times Square w/wo my sis for the upcoming Yamaha promotions. Not sure about the date yet, but whatever you do, do NOT come on that day if you value your hearing. If you DO insist on coming, come greet me/us AFTER we're done playing or I'd be too nervous to even go up onstage.

I'm not joking.

Anyhoo, I just found out that Miss Melalyn would be lecturing us for next sem. Since I've never been under her tutelage, that leaves me in no position to make a remark (be it pleasant or UNpleasant) I just hope I'd be able to get the grade I want. I'll miss Miss Grace though. She has a way of analysing the text and bringing out answers from us even when her questions sometimes catch us dumb-founded.

However, I know JUST the person who would be delighted at this change. The very same dude who couldn't keep his horny eyes off Miss Melalyn during our mid-term Law paper, staring at her for a full hour. like he's never seen a pretty lecturer in the entire course of his life.

I have no doubt that Alex would wet his pants when he finds out about Miss Melalyn lecturing us next sem. He'd probably go," Why next sem?? Why not NOW???"

I'm evil. =D

Saturday, 15 November 2008

Afternoon Recital in DFP

Supposed to go with my sis, but as usual, the unappreciative brat insisted that she had better things to do. So my brother decided that he would sacrifice his basketball time and come with me.

It was a good concert, overall. Hao Zi (mom's ex-student) played really well. Her Chopin Scherzo was good, if not perfect. I mean, I'm not a pro-pianist so I daren't comment much, but I liked the way she shaped the melody. Her running notes were really clear too, so much so that I might have been able to write them down. The slow bits were breath-taking. I take my hat off to her for being able to outline the melody line whilst playing chords on both hands. Being an ameteur pianist myself, I know it's not easy. You can be a Paganini on the piano and go crazy with technique, but I believe true technique is making the audience feel the music as you do.

The worst of the afternoon was after lunch in "Dome's", when my bro and I were walking about aimlessly around KLCC. My feet were starting to kill me. Guess the fact that I was in 2-inch stilettos didn't help. Yes, I was mentally shooting myself for not wearing my Geox boots instead. Well, I only wore the heels because I was under the impression that my dad would come right as the concert ended. As fate has it, concert ended ridiculously early. (within an hour)

And who was I kidding? My dad's NEVER on time.

We were in Kinokuniya at one point. I was sorely tempted to get a book to read, but then realised that I really didn't need further distractions from studying and practice. Especially since I now have renewed hope for Law (I scored a whooping "B", for one), I'm aiming for at least 2 A's for the upcoming A-Level exams. AND I really need to put in more time to practice as well.

We finally left KLCC at 4.50pm, after having ice-cream at Haagen Daaz. (Which cost me a further RM20++) I took those dratted heels off the second I got into the car and voila! the straps of my heels had left red marks all over the surface of my feet.

Oh dang, realised I haven't talked about my results yet. I'm reasonably satisfied with them, especially since I didn't do ANY studying till the night before my paper. Econs, as expected, is history. (Well, I passed, at the very least) and got B's for Law and Eng Lit. My mouth opened to a big "O" when Elizabeth told me I got a "B". I mean, with my past luck with Law essays, I was barely managing a "D". Before we were handed our marks, Choon Hui and I were nervous wrecks. When Mrs Dharma was going through someone's paper with them, Choon Hui whispered in my direction "I've got butterflies in my stomach!", to which I responded,"well, I've got a stampede in here!"

No one failed, so I think Mrs Dharma was quite happy too. We all did better than we'd expected. I was just praying for a pass, when turns out that I was one of the only 3 girls who had gotten the same marks for that paper.

Eng Lit was a whole different matter. Prior to giving us our marks, Miss Grace had told us that all had gotten B's and one had a "C". I instinctively thought that I was the one who got the "C". Therefore, I was on the verge of tears as I approached Miss Grace's table to get my marks.

'You ALMOST got a "B"', was what she'd said.

I tried to bite my tears back as they threatened to fall. She went through my essays with me before revealing the final mark. I wasn't really listening cause all I had in my head was: How the f*ck could I have gotten a "C"??? Funny thing is, the marks of my essays didn't seem like those which would lead me to get such a low grade. My first paper was an "A", the second and third were very much average.

Needless to say, I was literally up in Choud 9 when Miss Grace realised her mistake.

"Eh??? OMG, sorry! The "C" was in the other class!"

I was overjoyed. Plus, with a few additional marks, I had levelled-up my grade to a steady "B". Thank GOD I'd gotten higher than Alex or I would like to have commited suicide. For someone who doesn't bother studying nor reading the texts, he's one lucky bastard to be getting just 1 or 2 marks shy of Choon Hui's.

Oops. I had actually intended to make this short. Heh. Gotta choreograph some more steps for the boys right now. Toodles!

Thursday, 13 November 2008

Love and Life

"Life is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel."

There's never a time where I read this quote and disagree in its truth. Life tends to be a little easier on those who think objectively about what they do, and a roller-coaster ride for those who feel in-depth about what they do.

Not really making much sense, am I? That's what you get after 2 hours of Econs, and an hour of Law and Eng Lit each.

I'm too tired and mind-weary right now so I'll leave the many-word blogging to another day. I was actually prepared to do a commentary about the quote above, but I think I'm not in the right state of mind at them moment.

Clare, over-and-out.

Sunday, 9 November 2008

High School...

I've always thought of my high school years as being the most unbearable of times in my life. Pressure put on to me on all days, at all times and by everyone around me. I've struggled to perform well in my music exams, do reasonably well for my school exams and finish my Yamaha Grade 4. I did all that within the capacity of the five years I was in Sri Aman.

We've all had our moments. Mine were more sour than they were sweet. I had a bad start. I resented my parents for taking me away from the friends I knew in KL and put me in a school where I virtually knew no one. Being one from a Chinese school and having hated it there as well, I wasn't very good at socialising. I daresay that resulted in me having very few friends, some of which even grew to hate me over the years.

It got better after that. In Form 2, I made friends with a few girls who, unfortunately, had a knack of getting into trouble. Needless to say, that contributed to the sinking of my school results, the wasting of my time, not to mention the conflict I got into with some others who tried to get me out of hanging around so much with them. The only comfort I had was through another bunch of friends I'd come across during lessons in British Council. I still keep in contact with some of them.

Thankfully, I managed to get out of it myself. Both a friend and I decided we'd had enough. Especially since that friend had gone through a series of heartbrakes in the form of a hopeless jerk whom only I had any objections to.

Form 3 was the best year I had in high school. I was happier than I had ever been in a long time. This was much contributed by the bunch of classmates I had. Fee, Hat, Aisya, Jazzy, Kuan and Rachel; and of course, my other friends from other classes: Tessie, Boh, Kart and Shev. I had also made a few acquaintances from tuition whom I shall not name for some of them didn't bring very nice memories. haha. And of course, building strong friendships with those I'd met in the B.C.

Form 4 and 5 didn't seem so bad after having made friends with those I'd mentioned. I wasn't swearing so much anymore (cause I no longer had anything to swear about) and my school work was getting better. They all rejoiced with me when I got my ATCL results, they knew how much it meant to me. And I also had the joy of performing with "Entangled", alongside Jill, Kart, Shev, Zhen, Shobz etc in form 4, and Shobz, Zhen, Kart, Shiuann, Shal, Shra, Fee and Ee Von in a number of occasions in form 5. Most memorable of performances would of course, be during ICC, when we got 1st runner up for our dance number. Best birthday present I'd ever had.

Thanks guys, for making my blue days seem not-so-blue... =)

From left: Arina, Fee, Tess, me and Yi Wen.
-We were bored.............

clockwise from left: Tess, Fee, Me, Hat and Liina
Lucky skeleton no?

From left: Aisya, Me, Fee, Tess and Liina
-Grad Night...

Fee and Me
Mr. Funny Bones gettin' double smooches

Clockwise from left: Me, Tess, Liina, Yi Wen and Fee
-Last few pics we took in Sri Aman

Fee, Me and Liina
-They were trying to imitate what I do best =P

Clockwise from left: Tess, Yi Wen, Me, Arina and Fee
-on the stairs leading to success (Hopefully)

Top Row: Fee, Pn Loo, Liina, Yi Wen
Bottom row: Me, E-Wei, Mei Boh
-With Pn Loo (Physics)

From Left: Yi Wen, Arina, Fee and Me
-us in black and white

Fee and Me
-"Stuck" to the washroom wall outside the "Gallery"

Those were the days huh? I miss every single one of them. Even those who were not in the pictures. Memories we made together will remain in my heart forever... Love you guys!
Credits of the pics goes to..... Liina. Thanks babe! *hugs*

Saturday, 8 November 2008

Long-Drawn Pics

A few drawings which I'm proud to call my own...

Did them a few years ago, can't draw anything worth looking at nowadays. *sighs*

Mr. Samurai. Inspired by Rurouni Kenshin


Cute, no?

Was my fave anime at the time

One of my best!

LOVE this one!

Love Songs...

What do Love songs do to us?

I dunno about you guys, but I often end up tearing. And I'm not talking about the current songs where even the sweetest of tunes can have an "F" word stuffed into the chorus, which inevitably spoils the whole damn songs.

I tear when it's Josh Groban's "She Out Of My Life", or Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back To Me Now, or maybe even Backstreet Boys' "What Makes You Different".

The melody works wonders, harmony enhances the melody, the singer backs it up with fantastic vocals, and topped with slow and soft rhythms which complete the heart-wrenching piece of music.

Especially when you've just been through some relationship-related "stuff", we often find ourselves paying more attention to the lyrics, and relate it to the situation we're in ourselves.

One such recent song I've come across which_______________________.

Sorry guys, private and confidential yet again.

Oh well, the least I could do is tell you the title of the song:
David Archuleta's "Crush"

Love and longing are predominantly effects resulting from vocal music.

I love you too much
I hate the feeling I get when you're not there
Baby come back
I miss you
I'm waiting for you to make me whole
You make me feel brand new
You make me feel so good
Without you I am nothing
I'll never let you go
If you go away...

Lines from love songs are everywhere. Here I am about to do my homework when I tune into a playlist of love songs on my i-pod. And as I became aware of the emotions that were being automatically generated in me, I realised how much affect these songs can have on a person. I had to set down my workj for awhile and think:

'What happens when you listen to songs devoted to sadness, possessiveness, despair, regret, anger, bitterness, self-deprecation and neediness?'

Answer - You feel like shit!'

Is this good? I don't think so!

Each generation has it's style of popular music and one thing that has remained constant is the love song. Love songs are part of our culture.

Love songs create feelings in us. A love song can be a divine elixir that generates wonderful feelings in us or a toxic story that poisons our system and sends us into deep depression. Unbeknown to us, love songs, are programming our brain with affirmations which develop into belief about how life is. Love songs are part of the myth of our society. They are stories that tell how it is. The more we listen to how it is, the more we believe that is reality. We begin to act out the reality and that slows us down from creating new realities.

There's no use looking back and wondering...
I never had a dream come true till the day that I found you.
Even though I pretend that I've moved on.
But still I can't find ways to let you go.
Just can't stay goodbye.

Translation: People are supposed to move on, but I can't. Can't deletes the positive message and you start to develop the belief that it's ok to stay and wallow cause that's how it is!

'You make me feel brand new'.
'You gave my pride back to me'.
'Without you life has no meaning or rhyme'.

We use this type of language every day. It is power-leak language. When we talk like that we are affirming to ourselves and others that someone else can control our feelings. We are also indicating that we expect it to happen.

'Without you life has no meaning or rhyme'.

Translation: Life is crap when you're not around.

To me that is saying it's impossible to have a great life without that person. They get to control your life just by you needing them. They might not even know it! We can all learn to be whole and to take responsibility for our own happiness. It is a lifelong practice... learning to focus on the possible, the positive and the potency.

When we start using language like:

'When I'm with you I feel even more alive.
[i.e. Being with you is a bonus to what is already wonderful]

'You helped me develop my talents and showed me how great I can be'.
[i.e. you facilitated me to feel good about myself and didn't take all the credit!]

'Life is even more wonderful when you're around'
[i.e. it already is great you are a bonus]

'You are a star in my universe and I am one in yours.'
[i.e. we each have our own universe and we are star guests in the other person's]

We do not need them to survive, because we are the centre of our univrse.
[assuming the sun is the most important planet in a universe]

We can create good feelings as well as acknowledging our own power over our feelings.

You can stop being the cork bobbing on the waves and turn into a dolphin navigating through the ocean of your life.

I wonder how this new age influence and living from hope will affect the bands of the 21st century. Kids listen to these people. Someone out there can get together a band and make it happen. I shall wait and anticipate... and write about it some more. We can all be part of the wave of change...in our way and when we choose to.

How would you like the world to be...

This SO reminds me of the one I did on the whole "Chick-Lit" concept. Love songs are quite damaging when you come to think of it, but we still indulge in them. I have to admit, I'm a sucker for love songs myself. The important thing is to NOT let it influence you and not let yourself wallow in self-pity because: a) you don't have the love of your life as the persona of the love song does; or b) you're situation is the same as the persona of the love song.

Here's the one love song I can never get tired of listening:


Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be...

That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday

'cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are...

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Pride and Prejudice Review

I figured since we'd be doing Pride and Prejudice, another Jane Austen novel, next sem; I'd do review on it.

I'm looking forward to reading Mrs. Bennet's lines again. She's absolutely hilarious!

"Oh Mr Bennet, you have absolutely NO compassion for my POOR nerves!"

And THEN she jumps out of her bed when she finds out that one of her daughters have been married. WONDERFUL reaction for someone with "poor" nerves.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

Everybody knows the first sentence of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. (If you don't, go get a copy of it. I assure you, it's much MUCH better than "Emma") But the chapter ends with a truth equally acknowledged about Mrs. Bennet, who has five daughters in want of husbands (Or rather, five daughters in which she wants husbands for):

"The business of her life was to get her daughters married."

Romance seems so urgent and delightful in Austen because marriage is a business, and her characters cannot help treating it as a pleasure. Pride and Prejudice is the best of her novels because its romance involves two people who were born to be in love, and care not about business, pleasure, or each other. It is frustrating enough when one person refuses to fall in love, but when both refuse, we cannot rest until they kiss.

Of course all depends on who the people are. When Dorothea marries the Rev. Casaubon in Eliot's Middlemarch, it is a tragedy. She marries out of consideration and respect, which is all wrong; she should have married for money, always remembering that where money is, love often follows, since there is so much time for it. The crucial information about Mr. Bingley, the new neighbour of the Bennet family, is that he "has" an income of four or five thousand pounds a year. One never earns an income in these stories, one has it, and Mrs. Bennet has her sights on it.

Her candidate for Mr. Bingley's hand is her eldest daughter, Jane; it is orderly to marry the girls off in sequence, avoiding the impression that an older one has been passed over. There is a dance, to which Bingley brings his friend Darcy. Jane and Bingley immediately fall in love, to get them out of the way of Darcy and Elizabeth, who is the second Bennet daughter. These two immediately dislike each other. Darcy is overheard telling his friend Bingley that Elizabeth is "tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me." The person who overhears him is Elizabeth, who decides she will "loathe him for all eternity." She is advised within the family circle to count her blessings: "If he liked you, you'd have to talk to him."

Much of the delight and most of the heart comes from Elizabeth, a girl glowing in the first light of perfection. She is beautiful, she has opinions, she is kind but can be unforgiving. "They are all silly and ignorant like other girls," says her father in the novel, "but Lizzie has something more of quickness than her sisters."

It goes without saying that Lizzie fell in love with young Darcy the moment she saw him, but her pride has been wounded. She tells Jane: "I might more easily forgive his vanity had he not wounded mine."

The stakes grow higher. She is told by the dashing officer Wickham that Darcy, his childhood friend, cheated him of a living that he deserved. And she believes that Darcy is responsible for having spirited Bingley off to London to keep him out of the hands of her sister Jane. Lizzie even begins to think she may be in love with Wickham. Certainly she is not in love with the Rev. Collins, who has a handsome living and would be Mrs. Bennet's choice for a match. When Collins proposes, the mother is in ecstasy, but Lizzie declines, and is supported by her father, a man whose love for his girls outweighs his wife's financial planning.

All of these characters meet and circle each other at a ball in the village Assembly Hall. We see the characters interacting, we see Lizzie avoiding Collins and enticing Darcy, we understand the politics of these romances, and we are swept up in the intoxication of the dance. In a later scene as Lizzie and Darcy dance together everyone else somehow vanishes (in their eyes, certainly), and they are left alone within the love they feel.

But a lot must happen before the happy ending, and I particularly admired a scene in the rain where Darcy and Lizzie have an angry argument. This argument serves two purposes: It clears up misunderstandings, and it allows both characters to see each other as the true and brave people they really are. It is not enough for them to love each other; they must also love the goodness in each other, and that is where the story's true emotion lies.

When Lizzie and Darcy finally accept each other in "Pride & Prejudice," I felt an almost unreasonable happiness. Why was that? I am impervious to romance in most books and films, seeing it as a manifestation of best-seller charts and box office requirements. Here is it different, because Darcy and Elizabeth are good and decent people who would rather do the right thing than convenience themselves. Anyone who will sacrifice their own happiness for higher considerations deserves to be happy. When they realize that about each other their hearts leap, and so did mine.

Exams are...

Officially over. =)

Can't tell you how relieved I am. Though of course, there's still the dreadful Meet-the-fun-sucking-lecturers on the 25th. Don't get me wrong, their not ALL fun-suckers. Actually, I pretty much like my lecturers. It's the idea of my parents meeting them that's fun-sucking.

I pray to God none of the lecturers in MCKL read my blog.

I literally screwed up my econs papers. I literally crapped my way through. Don't think Mrs. Chiu would enjoy marking my paper. I semi-screwed up my Law paper, so Mrs. DHarma's not going to be really happy. I nearly screwed (I think) my Lit papers, so even though I think I may scrape a "B", Miss Grace's uncanny skills for being super strict with our essays wouldn't help.

So tell me, am I screwed or what?

Seeing that I've run out of topics to blog about, I'm going to take a different approach on the "truth" subject. This time, I'm taking it from the 'relationship' front. And talking about it from a girl's point of view.

I'm not a sexist. Just that it's easier for a girl to narrate and judge from her own point of view regardless of what the other sex may think. So here goes...

From what I've learnt and seen from experiences of other (including my own parents), real, lasting relationships are built on trust. Trust is foundational because it creates a safe environment for intimacy to grow. If your relationship is going to work you need to be able to trust your partner with your past, your present and your future. Trust takes time and effort, is easily broken and hard to restore but if you're willing to work at it, the reward is the relationship you've always dreamed of. (though you will, of course, have the usual fights in between)

Revealing Your True Self
Trust allows you to reveal who you really are. In spite of all the tricks we use to try and impress someone during the early stages of dating, intimacy is founded on knowing and being known. Your partner has to get to know the real you – what you're like when you're tired, angry, frustrated, elated or talking to your Mom on the phone. He has to love you as you are, not as he hopes you might be. Anything less won't last.

Have you seen or read Bridget Jones's Diary? There's one scene where Mark Darcy tells Bridget "I like you, just as you are." She is floored. Why such a strong reaction to a simple comment? Because Mark is telling her that he really sees her and he likes what he sees. He didn't say he'd like her ten pounds lighter, or a little more sophisticated, or prettier, or better read. He likes her as she is, unconditionally. She doesn't have to try and impress him, he's already impressed. Knowing that you are loved for who you are lets you relax and let your guard down. It lets you be honest without fear of rejection, and frankly, it feels great. Because then, you won't have to strive to maintain the person you seemed to be when you were trying to get his attention. You shouldn't even be trying to be someone you're not in the first place.

Honest Communication
Trust opens the door to honest communication. You can't communicate honestly if you're always second-guessing how your partner will react and rephrasing your thoughts to fit in with his agenda. Communication takes concentration.

Ask questions. Don't assume you understand what a person means. Once you ask a few questions, it doesn't take long to really find out what he really means.

Listen. To become a better communicator, you must be willing to listen so you can understand the other person's perspective.

Observe and be willing to verify the information you receive.
Let people know what you are thinking by sharing it. By disclosing information about yourself, it aids the other person in understanding who you are and how you are understanding them.
Remember that love covers a multitude of sins. If your motives are wanting to understand people and accept them for who they are, then communication will be easier. But if you set out to convince them that your way is the right way, then that's not communication. And that's not love.

Don't rush it. If you truly love your partner and want what's best for him, you'll wait. If you're in a relationship with someone you feel you can't trust, don't ignore it. If you have trouble trusting anyone, you might want to seek counseling before you run away from what could be a great relationship. Your past does affect your ability to trust. However, if trust hasn't been a problem for you in the past and your gut is telling you to protect yourself from this guy, take it as a warning. Take a close look at who he is, how he treats others and how he treats you. Your gut may be giving you good information. Guys, don't get offended, but there are REAL jerks out there who wouldn't give a hoot about how you feel.

Thus far, I have been ___________________________________________.

Sorry guys, the information above is strictly off-limits.

Anyways, having said all of the above, wouldn't it be simpler just to stay single? I mean, DUH! you're gonna want a partner later in life, but I'm just saying that we should all enjoy our freedom for as long as we can. Nowadays, we have 12 year old kids being in "relationships". My sister's friends (who at 13 years of age) already have EX-boyfriends. Though I DO blame part of this to those blasted American Chick-lit rubbish they call "novels".

Why don't we all make life easier and just wait till we're ready to handle responsibilites of being in a relationship? And don't give me all that shit about wanting to know what it's like to love a person apart from your family and friends.

Curiosity killed the cat, you know...

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

One day later...

Sowwie I couldn't do this earlier! Was supposed to, but I was kinda occupied with other stuff. Hehe. Sorry babes! Here's summat to make it up to you!


Hope you had an awesome one, sistah!

Love Yah!!!

Monday, 3 November 2008

Lazy larr...

Right. I'm supposed to be studying for Econs and "Emma" right now but I'm not. Err... Can someone provide me with a good, solid reason why I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do? Lol.

Anyways, back to updates regarding the night at Tess' place.

I was there at around 7.05pm. I wasn't as punctual as I normally would have been cause... Well, I figured I might be the first one there again and feel bloody left out amongst Tess' many relatives and her brothers' friends.

When I got there, Fiona and Jazzy were already there. Was kinda awkward at first. I mean, we exchanged hugs and Fee started gawking at my braces, then we started talking about... Err, braces? Not the kinda topic I'd expected when we haven't seen one another for what... 6 months?? Haha!

It got better after that. Knowing us Sri Aman girls, it doesn't take us long to warm our communication skills and start blabbing like there's no tomorrow. Very soon we were all pretty much talking over each other's conversations. Tess got rollin' and telling us about her college life, so then Fee and I chipped in regarding how much we miss school uniforms cuz then we wouldn't have to worry about what to wear, Jazzy added that she would be starting college next year and Arina mourned over the upcomin' loss of our beloved Mrs. Sanzo.

Oh yes, not forgetting the amount of pictures we took, courtesy of Fiona and Tess' phones and cameras. Fee's sharpened her cam-whoring skills. She doesn't cut people out of the photos anymore. (I can almost hear her cry out: hey!) Tess was looking as pretty as ever (as you can see from the pics I posted previously) Jazzy was sprorting a new hairstyle whilst Arina was as sarcastic as ever.

By the way, I was the ONLY one amongst the 5 of us who hadn't bothered altering any aspects of my physical appearance. Thus, the "Odd Ball". Haha!

Oh well, it's just me I guess. I plan to get my hair dyed though. Maybe I'll go crazy and get it bleached sky blue or something...


Anyways, I've been hooked up with practice and helping out with the Claris Concert PLUS studying (when I feel up to it) for trials, which sorta explains my short posts. (And Tess says I write too much. Hmm...)

Speaking of which, I'm supposed to be supervising a concert item right now so technically what I'm doing is actually illegal, strictly speaking.

So... I might come back to updating after I'm done, where I'll be talking about some "real" issues. =D

(Note: I put "issues" in inverted commas cuz I reckon those issues might only be issues to me)

Sunday, 2 November 2008


Went to Tessie's house last night. Hehe. Posting up some pics and shall update later since I ain't got time at the mo'


Fee, Tessie n Me!

Tess and I attempting at an "emo" pic

Call meh!

Yikes! Flower girls??! O_o


Dang, we look like sisters here.

At the stairs. That's Tessie's little cuz and her friend, Rochelle (I think that's how you spell it)

Fee, Tessie, Jazzy n Me!

Wokay... Yes, Ms. Tango Queen. =P