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Thursday, 30 October 2008

Exam Week... Darn

Just survived through Law today. Barely. I think I majorly screwed up my 1st question- Offer and Acceptance. Darn, I'm gonna get it from Mrs Dharma once lessons resume as usual.

Dead. SO Dead.

Oh, and I'm gonna get screwed by Mrs Chiu as well. My Econs paper on wednesday was literally crap. Didn't know what I was writing about half the time.

Oh wait. MOST of the time.

Seriously, I just wrote whatever I studied the between the night before and the morning of the exam itself. Which, admittedly, wasn't much to begin with. I could have done better, if only I had taken a little more time to study rather than just focus on the concert.

Gah, what's done is done. Hopefully I don't screw up the rest of my papers.

Originally, I didn't wanna blog today. But something I read earlier this evening gave me the urge to blog about the particular matter.

Subtle hints.

Reading Emma, Choon Hui and I have definitely got the whole subtle hints concept stuffed down our throats. Jane Austen writes in subtle hints from the beginning of the novel, right up to the end. It's never given straight forwardly. She goes around in circles, beats around the bush.

Which makes us wanna smack her after reading the novel the second time and thinking: so THAT's what was goin' on! WHY couldn't she have said so in the FIRST place??

Ironically, this happens, more often than not, in our daily lives as well. When a friend wants to tell you something but doesn't know how to say it without hurting your feelings, they give you subtle hints. When a guy wants a girl but doesn't want to tell her straight to her face, he gives her subtle hints. When a girlfriend is fishing for a compliment from the boyfriend, she gives him subtle hints. When your mom wants you to bring her on a holiday and wishes you to know that, she gives you subtle hints. When you want something from your parents, you give them subtle hints. The list goes on.

Sometimes, we get the hints. Sometimes, we don't. But the worst that can happen is you MISUNDERSTAND those hints.

Yikes!

Do you usually drop subtle hints to someone whom you like, hoping for a reaction?
No, I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

Yeah right. Usually it's the exact opposite of that. Because we're all culprits of our own doing. We're always afraid what what other people might think of you if you say exactly what's on your mind. Cause sometimes, it may be a little harsh.

But what's the point of sugar-coating what you wanna say? Cuz if you drop subtle hints, some blur peeps might not get it! Keep in mind this good old phrase: men are all square and blunt.

No offense, guys.

Frankly speaking, I don't like sugar-coaters. It's quite alright when your hints are reasonably understandable, but what if it's really too vague to make anything out of it?? Especially if say...

A wants to tell B something.

A gives a subtle hint.

B acknowledges the hint.

B tries to figure out what A is hinting about.

B fails.

B tries again.

B fails yet again.

B gets frustrated.

B gives up.

I know how that feels. Imagine you know a friend's trying to tell yousomething. You crack your brain cells trying to figure out what the hell he/she means. It's alright if you DO figure it out. If you don't, isn't that a very large amount of precious time wasted if your friend would just come outright and say it?

Human nature.

Sometimes, I really want to give up understanding ourselves.

We make life difficult for ourselves without actually wanting to? Come off it, we all know we can make things simpler.

Just bloody go back to being cavemen/women.

Monday, 27 October 2008

You Make Me Feel Like Dancing...

Gonna dance the night away........

haha. Had a dance practice with the girls this afternoon. They're not bad, surprisingly. I was worried about them being you know... shy and stiff. heh.

Heck, looks like I didn't have to worry after all.

Apart from that, all is going well. I've finally completed the arrangements and got them all nicely printed out. Glad I got those out of the way. But in a weird sense, I think I kinda miss doing it. The whole staying up part, and writing notes, listening to the passages all over and over again, trying to figure out the bloody weird rhythms...

All in a day's work.

That actually got me thinking. IF and only IF I don't get into YST next year through auditioning for the violin, I'm gonna try under composing the following year. After all, that IS predominantly what I want to end up doing in future. I'm not going to get into an orchestra and stay there my whole life (though at the start, it would be nice) Nope. That would kill me. I need something more interesting. And I found that I enjoy doing arrangements, and often find myself thinking about nice melodies, making up the harmony in my head, only I never get around to writing them down on paper.

I thought of changing my mind last minute and going for composing straight next year, but I figured it would be far too late. I need to do some serious background mugging on composing first before I start anything major. Therefore, IF I really don't get in next year, I can spend the rest of it getting into the whole composing thing.

That, however, does not mean I'm going to be practicing any less. I still want to do my best as I wanna see how far I can go with the violin. I've stopped playing the piano seriously altogether, so...

Speaking of which, I really need to whip my piano technique back into shape. I've been slacking off for TWO bloody years now! Haven't learnt anything worthwhile for AGES! Gonna pick up some difficult piece and massacre myself into practicing. Maybe Rachmaninov or something. I know my mom has got heaps of piano music at home so it's time...

Time to embark on my musical journey and I'm never gonna look back.

Ever.

Oh shit. Trials are next week.

Econs!

Law!!

Eng Lit!!!

f*ck

Saturday, 25 October 2008

Sick as a dog...

Not in a very blogger-mood right now (if there is such a thing) so this shall be a very abrupt post.

Yesterday...


went to college

had econs class

came out halfway through econs class

puked in the toilet

went back to class

finished class

rested in student lounge

called mom

waited

slept (or TRIED to sleep through the noise)

called mom to announce that I'm driving back home

survived the drive back home

drank 2 sips of milo

puked again

refused to eat/drink (didn't wanna risk puking again)

developed a fever

slept until 3pm

drank hot water

slept again

starved until 8pm

ate porridge

watched "The Nanny" with the "Reclining Buddha" pose

slept


This Morning...


bathed

ate breakfast

practiced

then this little thing in my head (my conscience, I think) said to me: Don't you have something to do...??

F*ck. I haven't even finished the arrangement for "Grip!" yet. Which, sadly, is due tomorrow.

I'm f*cking screwed.

F*ck. I haven't even done my Econs test papers. Exams are starting next wednesday.

I'm f*cking screwed.

F*ck. I haven't even started studying for Law. Exam's on friday.

I'm f*cking screwed.

F*ck. I haven't practiced enough. Lesson with Liu Jian on Monday.

I'm f*cking screwed.

Some life I have huh? Now the dream I had about me walking into my own grave don't seem so bad after all...

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Gamarjobat, anyone?

Went to the Actor's Studio, Bangsar Shopping Centre for a Japanese mime show on Sunday evening. 2 Japanese dudes prancing about the stage doing hilarious acts. One which even included sticking their middle finger at late-comers. LOL! And another which had one of them doubling as a lady and presented a "Western-style" sketch which was hilarious as well.

There were many more acts, but I shall not go into detail as there are simply too much of them to remember.

I survived a few nights of sleeping no more than 4 hours, finishing up the stupid arrangement for the Claris Concert. It turned out well, surprisingly. Helped them a little during the practice on Sunday afternoon. The boys were cooperative enough. Now I'm only afraid that the girls will be too shy for their own good. The singing was okay, so I'm not particularly worried about that part. The guys can dance, girls... *goes into panic mode*

I'll deal with that next week.

Which reminds me, trials for AS Levels are starting next Mon- well, Wednesday for me. I'm SO dead because, I haven't even started studying. I'm not screwed for Eng Lit as we've been doing exercises regularly in class, I'm not so screwed for Law cause we've been having tests every other day, but I'm am 100% totally screwed for Econs. One thing is, I'm terribly behind in the syllabus. Secondly, SHE hasn't been teaching, it's mainly gossip about everything and anything under the sun in her classes. Just today, we went from what education and training can do for a country's GDP to incestuous bastards who lock up their daughters and treat them as sex slaves. And last, but certainly not the least, I'm simply too tied up with more important prior commitment, which takes up a huge chunk of my time, to be able to fit in "2 hours of Econs per day", to quote Mrs. Chiu.

Ah, reality.

We did Emma again today. Somehow, I always think more when we do literature. Law is thrown directly to your face, Econs is also thrown directly to your face (but I don't get a single thing out of it), but Lit is the only subject which digs deep into the mind and explores the ideas of life, in general. Well for me, anyway.

"Emma" is all about women finding husbands.

That was one of the many questions we discussed in class today. If you look at the surface of it, it's really very true. I mean, ALL the women characters in the book (except Miss Bates, AND with good reason) end up married. Even Emma, who stoutly declares that she shall never marry in the beginning of the novel, ends up married to none other than Mr Knightley, Mr I'm-So-Perfect.

The first time I read the question and listed out the points I would include in my essay, I didn't actually see it in their (women in those times) point of view. In class, however, I suddenly realised that, marriage, is in fact one of the few ways in which women in the 18th century could hope to survive. Which explains their over-obsessive-ness over men. Seriously, I thank God I wasn't born in those times. Imagine having someone like Mrs Bennet as a mother (who only cares about marrying off her daughters). I think I would die of shame.

This again, brings us to the happy-endings of the novel. All the eligible women in "Emma" end up married to the man of their affections. Even Harriet, who somehow managed to "fall-in-love" with 3 men in one year, ends up with the very first man who caught her attention, Mr Martin. The manner in which Austen presents all these marriages is admirable, but I find myself not being able to relate to whatever she writes about. I suppose the century gaps don't help, but I cannot bring myself to imagine a lifestyle whereby nothing else matters except finding a good husband and fussing about household chores.

However, after watching countless movies based in those times, I cannot help but be drawn into the days where education for women were just to the extend of drawing and playing the pianoforte. They weren't plagued with career options and further education options, or political and/or economical issues. Life back then was so much simpler. I wonder why on earth humans LOVE to complicate things. Right now, life is so complicated that we have to revert to novels and poems in order to escape (temporarily) from our many responsibilities.

Some even escape and don't ever return.

And THEN they ask us,' Why is your head in the clouds?'

Screw evolution. We should all just stick to being cavemen/women.

Saturday, 18 October 2008

Yikes! Tagged again!

Choon Hui, why are you so obsessed over tags suddenly? lol. But since I'm free, I'll oblige.

The Golden Rules:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how they relate to the questions.
5 . Tag at least 5 people.

1. How are you feeling today?
-"Guess", by some Chinese Artist.
HAHA! OMG! That's cool man! Guess how I'm feeling today? *winks*

2. If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?
-2 Become 1, Spice Girls
Yikes. No, I don't say that.

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
-Obvious, Westlife
Hmm... Obviously I like someone who would care for me, and treat me well... The usual =)
I'll sing it in a love song

4. Will you get far in life?
-No one like me, Super Junior
I certainly hope so. =)

5. What do you think about very often?
-Firework music-Allegro, Handel
Fireworks?? nah... Yes to music though...

6. What is 2 + 2?
-Run Away, the Corrs
Err, I won't run away from simple math questions. I know Choon Hui would though =P

7. What's your best friend's theme song?
-That's the Way It Is, Celine Dion
I don't have a bestfriend at the mo'... haha

8. What is the story of your life?
-I Won't Say I'm In Love, Meg from "Hercules"
Wow... Spot on man. I'm speechless. Though my life does NOT evolve around love, strictly speaking.

9. What is/was your high school like?
-The Sweet Escape, Gwen Stefani
Escape from what?? Lol. Chemistry??

10. What is your motto?
-When You Wish Upon A Star, from "Pinocchio"
I don't believe in wishes anymore...

11. What’s the best thing about your friends?
-Manic Monday, The Bangles
Panic Monday, more like. I've got a Law test in 2 days which I haven't studied for. One word-Screwed.

12. What do you think of the person you like?
-Good Vibration, Scandal
WHAT THE F*CK??!!
That sounded SO wrong

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
-Promise (Yakusoku), DBSK
I definitely wanna keep the promises I made to myself =)

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
-Push It To The Limit, Corbin Bleu
Why do the songs to my answers sound so wrong? I actually think about what most girls do when they see a guy they like. I.e.: wonder if my hair looks alright, see if my outfit doesn't embarrass me and what I should say if he decides to acknowledge me. heehee

15. Describe your grandparents.
-All I See Is You, M2M
Aww... That's so cute. Yeah, my grandparents on the maternal side are still pretty inseparable.

16. How's your life going?
-The Vampires' Conspiracy, from "BLOOD+"
*bursts out laughing hysterically* Those who have read my post about Insomnia would know what I'm laughing about.

17. What is your biggest fear?
-For A Moment, from "Little Mermaid 2"
Err. actually, my biggest fears come in the form of hairy eight-legged creatures we know as Spiders. *shivers*

18. What will be played at your funeral?
-Brandenburg Concerto No.1 in F, Johann Sebastian Bach
Nah, this sounds too cheerful for a funeral. Love this piece though =)

19. What is your hobby/interest?
-Living Inside Your Love, Earl Klugh
Blehh... No comment

20. Will you have a happy life?
-1000 Words, Koda Kumi
haha. I hope my happy life would have more than a 1000 words...

21. What do your friends really think of you?
-Into The New World, Girls' Generation
HAHA! Do people actually think of me that way?? lol

22. Do people secretly lust after you?
-Best Of Me, Olivia Newton John and David Foster
They lust after the best of me? haha. Nah, I highly doubt it. I'm not "lust-able" material. =D

23. How can you make yourself happy?
-Scandal, from the Album "Scandal"
NO.... Scandals would NOT make me happy.

24. Will you ever have children?
-Perhaps Love, from "My Love Drama Hits"
That subject is still very much open for debate. I don't mind kids, but I'm sceptical about having my own. Perhaps Love might make me change my mind. =)

25. What song would you strip to?
-Start Of Something New, from "High School Musical"
Stripping would be something new for me, doubtless. *tries to hold in laughter* But can you actually picture someone like me stripping?

26. What does your mom think of you?
-Only Human, Kim Jae Joong from the drama "1 litre of Tears"
Yes, I am only human

27. What do you think of your parents?
-Now and Forever, Air Supply
They'll be together, now and forever... =)

28. What is your deep, dark secret?
-I Gotta Find You, Joe Jonas
My deep, dark secret involves "blood-suckers" =D. Joe looked hot singing this song though. It's the only song I find nice from that stupid movie.

29. What is your enemy's theme song?
-Back To Your Heart, BSB
Erm... I don't make a habit out of making enemies, honestly.

30. What will you dance to at your wedding?
-I Need You, LeAnn Rimes
I'm SO dancing to this song man! IF, God forbid, some guy's crazy enough to fall in love with me. =D
You're my only reason, you're my only truth...

Heehee... I tag:
Duncan
Louisa
Lu Ee
Kah Yip
Alexis

Random Pics of Sept-Oct

I just got a haircut. Not too much difference, though my hair does look a lot neater now. Hehe... Mom finally cracked and yanked me out of the house this morning, dragged me into a hair salon and insisted for the dude to do something with my hair. I wasn't thinking straight cause I slept at 3am last night doing the stupid arrangement, so I just absent-mindedly told him not to cut it too short. Lol.

Anyways, here are some pics I promised since ages ago but never got around posting them up, until now.

That's Alex. We were preparing to act out a short scene from "Hamlet", which (to his utmost joy) involved him stabbing me. =P
That's Choon Hui, running through his lines as Horatio. (he and Alex were holding hands at one point!)
A pic of me in black and white
Mom's birthday cake
My sis caught a pic of me while I was doing the arrangement for "Brand New World"
Posing!
Posing again. Lol!
At the Mamak place near my house. That's my sis on the left, me and Mr Roy Sotong.

That's me playing one of the pianos during the Yamaha Piano Fair. I look horrible, thanks to my dad who chose to snap the picture just as I blinked.

Shot from behind, courtesy of my dad
That's all for now. Malas to get more pics from my camera. Will do so some other time. Ciaoz!!

Friday, 17 October 2008

Moment of Truth

Today's essay-writing session in Lit class really got me thinking. I spent a few minutes deep in thought about the nature of "truth".

Well, what happened was, we all made up our own questions on Alias Grace and exchanged them. I ended up with Choon Hui's question, which evolved mostly around "Truth". It's actually very close to the question I set (which Alex got) which deals with exploring 19th century steroetypes towards women and the vocality in which they do so (their response larr!).

When Alex realised how vague my question was (I did so on purpose), he went,' I don't like you, Clare.'

=D

Anyways, back to the subject.

Truth.

How many of us have lied before? I'm sure anyone above 5 years old would have told a lie in one point of their lives, be it a white lie or not. However, Choon Hui's question really got me cracking my mind. I mean, when someone says "tell the truth", does that mean tell the actual REAL fact, or just being honest. I know that sounds the same, but I've discovered a distinct difference.

The truth may not be a real, concrete fact as someone says it, but it's still considered a truth if you tell it as you know it. Like what newspaper articles or magazines write about celebrities. What they report may be rubbish, but they write about what others tell them. So is that telling the truth, or not? Of course, it's their responsibility to check if their facts are right beforehand, but that's not my point. My point is, when you say something, say "the sky is purple today", as long as you are being honest and DID actually see the sky turn purple, no one can say "you liar!".

Then of course, don't go about saying "but Clarissa said,as long as I really saw/believe it, I'm not lying!"

I tell you, I will...

Imagination is a powerful thing, sometimes it may make you believe in something that doesn't exist. For one who has got a really vivid imagination, if you tell me that there's a demon standing in my face, I would see it in my mind's eye so clearly that, if I really were to believe it, I'd go nuts. I know that it doesn't sound practical, but only those with a twisted mind like mine will get what I mean.

Can claims about the future be true now?

Can there be some algorithm for finding truth – some recipe or procedure for deciding, for any claim in the system of, say, arithmetic, whether the claim is true?

Can the predicate "is true" be completely defined in other terms so that it can be eliminated, without loss of meaning, from any context in which it occurs?

To what extent do theories of truth avoid paradox?

Is the goal of scientific research to achieve truth?

When we were children, we were taught to always tell the truth... and we did! In fact, we held nothing back. It was good to tell the neighbour, Mrs. Lee, that we could see her underwear right through her skirt. After all, it was the truth and maybe she didn't know. We thought we were doing her a favour and that she would appreciate it, but instead she became very upset.

We quickly learned that even though our parents said the truth is a good thing, it didn't always produce positive results. The only problem with that was we never knew when the truth was a good thing or a bad thing. So we learned to hide the truth. We masked it with lies or simply kept it to ourselves.

We hoped that with age and experience we would learn how to be truthful without hurting someone's feelings. Unfortunately, just when we think we have a handle on this truth thing our best friend or girlfriend shows up in a new dress she bought and wants to know what we think. The thing looks hideous on her, but she seems so proud of it. Great! So now what do we do? Do we tell the truth and hurt our friend's feelings, or do we lie in order to spare them?

Then we have parents with children of their own and they find themselves telling them, "you should always tell the truth no matter what," but it isn't until after they tell a stranger in the grocery store that his teeth aren't straight that they realize what they've done. Like us, they are doomed to learn the hard lessons of truth and consequence.

The simple fact is that truth is a very powerful tool, and like any tool it should be respected. If you use an electric saw without first learning how to operate it properly, you're liable to cut your fingers off. Although the truth may not result in losing your fingers, it can certainly hurt you or someone you care about. Truth can literally change the course of someone's life.

Imagine for a moment that you've just learned a terrible secret. Your best friend's boyfriend is considering splitting up with her. You want to tell her, but you don't know if you should. Let's pretend that you decide to tell her because she deserves to know the truth. She cries for a bit, and then decides that she is going to split up with him first. Things hadn't been going well anyway, and she knew it was inevitable.

A few months down the road, though, you find out that he had decided that he really loved her after all. In fact, the day she broke up with him, he bought her a ring and was going to propose to her. You realize then that if you hadn't said anything, your friend might be happily engaged instead of agonizing over the ending of a relationship.

So, how do you know when you should share a truth or not? The first thing you need to ask yourself is... does this truth need to be shared? Did your friend really need to know, at that moment, that her boyfriend was thinking about breaking up with her? Perhaps it would have been better for her to hear it from him rather than hearing it from you.

If you do decide that a truth needs to be shared, you then have to decide just how much of it to share. Maybe instead of telling your friend that her boyfriend was thinking about breaking up with her, you could have used the truth to help the situation by asking her how her relationship was going. Then you could have suggested that she talk to him and let him know how she was feeling. Maybe then they could have worked through their problems and repaired the relationship.

What if your friend came to you asking for the truth, though, like your friend with the new dress? Even if you lie, most likely she will know the truth by your reaction, but you can't very well tell her... "Damn, girl, that thing is ugly." This kind of situation calls for a bit of tact and creativity. Instead of telling her you don't like the dress on her, which is the truth, you can tell her that it's a nice dress, but you like the color blue on her much better because it brings out the color of her eyes (of course you would only say this if it was the truth). It may not be the entire truth, but at least it's an honest answer and you spare your friend feelings of hurt and rejection.
The bottom line is, truth is very powerful. It can be used to do good things and bad things (even if it's unintentional). It can hurt as well as heal. We, as the wielders of truth, have a responsibility to use it wisely. Sometimes the truth is better left unsaid, so weigh the decision to share it very carefully and you just may avoid an undesirable consequence.

Seriously, take this into deep consideration. We always find ourselves saying, ' The Truth Hurts', so becareful and mindful of what you say/want to say and before you say it, think about the consequences of your words. It may well save people a lot of heart-ache.

Don't do what I did- Learning the Hard Way.

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Worth it? Or not...

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two
小心讀每一個,再用一兩秒想一想

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
我愛你不是因為你是誰,而是我在你面前可以是誰。

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
沒有男人或女人是值得你為他流眼淚,值得的那一位,不會要你哭。

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
那人不是你所想般愛你,但不代表那人不是全心全意地愛你。

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
一個真正的朋友是向著你伸手,觸動你心靈的人。

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
掛念一個人最差的方式,就是你坐在他身旁,而知道你不能擁有他。

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
就算你不快樂也不要皺眉,因為你永不知道誰會愛上你的笑容。

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
在世界裡你可能只是某人,但對某人你可能是全世界。

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
不要花時間在一個不會花時間在你身上的人。

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful.
可能神要我們在遇到那位對的人之前先遇上一些錯的人,讓我們遇到那位對先生/對小姐時懂得珍惜。

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
不要因為完結而哭,要為曾經發生而微笑。

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
這個世界永遠也會有一些傷害你的人,你要做的就是繼續去信人和小心你下次信的人。

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
在你嘗試了解其他人和盼望其他人明白你之前,先把你自己變成一個更好的人和了解你自己。

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
不要太努力去找,最好的東西是在你最預計不到的時候出現。

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
緊記: 所有事也是因果循環的。

True friends: How many people actually have 8 true friends?
真正朋友: 有幾多人有八位真正的朋友?

Hardly anyone I know ! But some of us have all right friends and good friends!!!
我幾乎不認識這些人! 但在我們當中有些人全有對和好的朋友!!!

They say "frailty thy name is woman"

I say "flirty thy name is man" =D

HAHA!

Hmm... I should ban myself from getting so affected by certain issues. I don't like it when people don't like me, especially when that person is vocal about it. I mean, it's fine with me that you don't like me. I'm not a very easy person to like, I'm well aware of that fact. Some people can't stand it that I sometimes communicate better with guys rather than with girls, and that's fine. I don't live to satisfy other people. If you don't like me, too bad, I am who I am.

Just bloody don't talk about it behind my back! Okay, fine, gossip about me all you like. But at least have the courtesy to be subtle about it and not parade your dislike of me openly. And don't give me that long face whenever I appear anywhere near you. Trust me, I find you more annoying than you find me, but I just have more sense and manners to keep it to myself.

My words may seem harsh now, but it's only because I've been swallowing your nonsense for more than a month. Almost everything about you irritates me. So don't tempt me to be as evil as you are. Whatever I just said is still considered mild, I haven't even skimmed the surface of what I'm capable of. Don't push me any further or you WILL regret it.

(BTW, the "you"s refer to two people)

I wanted to post a small section of "Lamia", from John Keats' poetry but I forgot to bring the book out. Will do so tomorrow. The words have a lot of weight in them, which is why I like it so much.

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

I wish...

I wish that you could read the thoughts in my head
I wish that you could hear the words I wanna say
I wish you'd change your mind
Open up, let me inside
Don't run and leave me far behind...

That's the chorus for the song I'm currently working on. It's the longest I've ever taken to pin down a whole song so I'm hoping it would turn out well.

It's not easy to have a message get across to a person the exact way you want it to. I realised that when I was writing an essay on Alias Grace during Lit class today. Especially when the message is not sent first-hand. There's the message itself as you remembered it, then what others told you to say, what others said about it, what others said you must have said and what others had invented and claimed you said. Oh bummer. Now try saying that entire sentence 5 times faster than normal. =P

I particularly like this phrase I came across...

"No reply is in itself, a reply"

I should really take the hint, no?

Anyways. lots of things I want to blog about but I haven't the time. Therefore, I shall keep you guys in suspense a little longer. =)

Comments and/or criticism are much welcomed.

P/S: I blew it, didn't I?

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

Sentimental, Realistic...

Did a lot of discussion on "Emma" today. We've arrived to a mutual conclusion that it is, indeed, a sentimental novel. It explores the human emotion more than any other novel before its time. Prior to the 18th century's exploration of the heart, it was all about adventure and greatness of the mind. During Austen's time, literary works took a turn, having narrower settings but wider ranges of emotions for its characters. Thus, making novels a joy for us girls to read.

And they wonder why girls are so emotional.

Read "Emma" and you'll know what I mean. A girl who is guided by her heart, not her mind (if she even has one). Okay, Emma's got a unique personality, but if she's got brains, she'd leave her friends' love lives alone and try to improve herself instead.

OMG, that was so ironic.

The realistic standards of the novel, however, blows it right off the charts. Mr. Knightley is too good to be true, Emma needs an attidude adjustment and therefore should not be made the heroine, and the amount of "happy ever afters" in the novel would just about make any person burst out laughing hysterically.

It's amusing how people want children to work hard in their studies and move on to become successful leaders/businessmen/doctors/musicians/parents (eventually) etc, when they bombared tales of untruth and lies upon their little minds the whole duration of their childhood. Tell me then, how is it easy to turn their minds around and make them realise that there are no such things as fairy tales and happy endings?

Then you move on to the adolescent age. Ah, raging hormones and emotions piling in. Boys fancy themselves hankering after "hot chicks" whilst girls dream about "Mr. Right" coming to sweep them off their feet in a white palomino horse.

And the adults don't help by publishing books like "Gossip Girl" and "Sweet Valley High" whereby the characters care a little less than love and/or sex. It's sickening. I've attempted reading those once or twice, then never bothered reading them again. I've gone through the stage where Mary-Kate and Ashley were the best books on the shelf, and now I look back and curse my stupidity for ever thinking that life would be as perfect as they portray it to be.

And they wonder why so many more teenagers are losing their virginity earlier than is allowed.

We should all just burn these books and stuff our heads down the Fountain Of Reality.

I was just browsing through some of my old photos... Never realised how much memories they could bring back. Now I know why we take so many of them! Because, as great as the human mind can be, we DO forget things more often than we think. It's surprising how many thoughts can flood in just by looking at one picture. I was staring at this one pic when I was 6 or so, and wondered how on earth did I manage to look so bloody innocent. Then my subconscious mind answered it for me: I WAS innocent.

Then I took a look through the photos we shot in Hong Kong. It was definitely the best holiday with my family. Just my parents, siblings and me enjoying ourselves. As much as I would love to kill them sometimes, I realise they're the only ones I can count on. Oh well, hands down to the saying "blood is thicker than water".

Another more significant section in my memories are the MPYO experiences. Not many of them, to be sure, as I've only been in 3 camps. But it's something that has made me change my mind about the role music plays in my life. I mean, it's always been a huge part of who I am, but I no longer regret the amount of hours I spend practicing whilst my other peers are hooked onto dates and romantic novels. I don't regret sacrificing my grades to get good marks for my music exams. I can look myself in the mirror and honestly say,' I love music'. And I've got no one else to thank but my family, particularly my mom, for nagging me into practicing (when I was little, she doesn't do that anymore) and not letting me give up the one thing that I would enjoy doing for the rest of my life.

Now, wouldn't it be more satisfying to create our own memories and have them filed into a nice little book rather than invest in some cheap, worthless chick lit novel which would definitely be forgotten in no time?

YOU tell me.

"The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid." Henry Tilney, in Austen's Northanger Abbey.

But I say...

"The person, be it a child or an adult, who has not pleasure in a good memory, must be intolerably ungrateful."

Monday, 6 October 2008

Tagged!

Choon Hui, seriously, I'm only doing this because you're my friend.
Duncan, since you wanna do this so much, YOU'VE-BEEN-TAGGED! =D
And I'll tag anyone else who has the time and patience to do this.

01. What have you been doing recently?
Arranging music and choreographing lame-o dance steps for the Claris Concert, practicing the violin and unintentionally torture myself mentally before I sleep every night.

02. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
Hardly. Only when I go for concerts. oR if my phone runs outta battery.

03. What happened at 10.00am today?
Eating breakfast and chit-chatting with Choon Hui, Adam and Alex in the cafeteria.

04. When did you last cry?
A few nights ago, I think.

05. Believe in fate/destiny
To a certain extent, yes.

06. What do you want in your life right now?
A life? nah, kidding. I want something nobody can give. =)

07. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
If I decide NOT to get wet, then definitely umbrella. I look silly with my hood on, hello??

08. What’s your favourite thing to have on your bed?
Pillows!!!

09. What bottom are you wearing now?
Jeans. Wait. You talkin' about inside or outside? =P

10. What’s the nicest text in your inbox say?
Now wouldn't you like to know... =)

11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
NO! Isn't life complicated enough??? Though unevitably, it does happen.

12. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
The last time I checked, nope.

13. What was the last movie you caught?
Eagle Eye.

14. What are you proud of?
My height. (I'm slightly taller than average for a girl) and my piano exam results.

15. What does the oldest message in your inbox says?
Hold on.. Let me check.
...
Yikes! I can't tell you!

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
Crush-David Archuleta

17. Do you have any nicknames?
Clare, Clarinet O_o, *winces* Kari Laksa, Riss etc...

18. What does your last received text message say?
=D

19. What time did you go to bed last night?
I WENT to bed at anout 11++, what time I fell asleep, however, is another matter altogether.

20. Are you currently happy?
Hmm... Define "happy"? haha!

21. Who gives you best advice?
Mommy!!! And a couple of others...

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
Nope.

23. Who did you talk on phone with last night?
? That's for me to know, and for you to find out!

24. Is anything bugging you right now?
Yeah DUH!

25. What/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
My parents cracking jokes, as usual.

26. Do you wear toe socks?
NO! What am I? La-la???

27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
Duncan.

28. Have you ever had your heartbroken?
Yes. More than just once...

29. What annoys you most in a person?
Fake-ness, definitely. Imaturity and selfishness.

30. Do you have a crush on anyone?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush...?

31. Have you ever done cocaine?
....... Nope. Highly unlikely ever to start.

32. What is the colour of your room?
Blue.

33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?
Who wouldn't? =D

34. Do you believe in the saying of : talk is cheap?
Nope. I always believe in thinking before blurting anything that comes to mind. It's easier to hurt someone through words than physical actions. Though sometimes it hurts just as much when nothing is said at all.

35. Who was the last person to lie in your bed?
ME!

36. Who was the last person to hug you?
Mommy. It's her birthday today. =)

37. Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
wtf???

38. Do you have a life?
Wokay... NOW I'm feeling insulted.

39. Have you ever think someone died, when they really didnt die?
Yeah, when I was having a nightmare, everyone I loved and cared about, died.

41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
That, is strictly P&C.

42. Last time you smiled?
A few seconds ago?

43. Have you changed this year?
Not much, physically. (though i may have put on a little weight!) Mentally? My mind is a regular hurricane Katrina =)

44. What are you listening to right now?
Miracles Happen- OST from Princess Diaries.

45. Are you talking to someone when you doing this?
Nope.

46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
I'm not a blithering idiot. I walk with my eyes WIDE opened!

47. Is there a quote you live by?
I go with the flow...

48. Do you want someone you cannot have?
That remains to be seen... Though by the looks of it, not gonna happen. =)

49. Have you ever played an instrument?
Still do. Piano, Violin and Electone.

50. What was the worst idea you’ve had in this week?
Changing the wires of my braces before a buffet.

51. What are you doing last night at 11pm?
Having difficulty falling asleep.

52. Are you happy with your love life right now?
*Laughs hysterically*

53. What song best describe your love life?
Err... Crush, David Archuleta? I don't like a particular song for nothing.

54. Does the person know that you like him/her?
Nope. Obviously not. I mean, at least, I haven't told him... =D

55. Who always make you laugh?
My family. My dad and sis, in particular, Kent, Hazel...

56. Do you speak other language other than English?
Chinese (3 dialects), rojak Japanese and even more rojak Korean.

57. Favourite website(s)?
Youtube, Blogger and Facebook.

58. What’s your middle name?
"Pey Wen"

59. What are you doing tomorrow?
I've got college at 10am, then Violin lesson at 4pm.

60. What do you think you are like?
A vampire... =D

61. Who will you choose to die with?
The love of my life?? LOL! That was SO cliche!

62. Where have you been today?
College, home, KL Hilton and Claris Music Sdn Bhd

63. What game do you play often?
You talkin bout sports or what? I play Badminton. Computer games ar a no-no.

64. Who are you missing right now?
DEFINITELY P&C

65. If you have to choose between friend and love, who will you choose?
my friend.

66. What are you doing right now?
Doing this bloody tag, what else?? And listening to music.

67. Which primary school are you from?
SJK (C) Kuen Cheng

68. Name 3 colours that you like?
White, Black, Blood Red.

69. What emotion you like to show?
Depends on what mood I'm in...

70. What is your life to you?
Again, it varies. I guess I should be thankful that I lack nothing. I mean, my family and friends are all I need, really.

71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do?
If it's serious enough, I'd listen to songs that make me cry, and cry... Or I'd end up writing lyrics/poems. Worse come to worse, scream into my pillow.

72. Who did you last chat in msn today?
Veneon Siew

73. Who do you admire most?
My mom.

74. Which month are you born in?
April babies rock!

75. How are you feeling right now?
Tired and mentally drained.

76. What is the time now?
9.20pm

77. What kind of person do u think the one who tagged you is?
Intelligent, humorous, sensitive and a terrific friend.

78.What colour did you use to dye hair?
I like my natural hair colour

79. Why are you doing this test?
To kill time while I attempt to gather my thoughts.

80. What do you do when you’re moody?
Sleep. Or bang the hell out of my piano.

81. At which age you wish to get married?
Not any earlier than 28. But definitely after I've had a steady career.

82. Who is most important to you?
Mommy!

83. If today is the last day of your life, what will you do?
Spend the morning with my friends, then dedicate the rest to my family.

84. Who is the person you trust the most?
Me, Myself and I

85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?
Yes, I do.

86. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
Dunno. I'll let you know when I've decided. =D

87. What is your goal for this year?
Not to flunk my trials

88. Do you believe in eternity love?
I'd like to...

89. What feeling do you love most?
calmness and serenity

90. Do you really think its Global Warming now?
WTF???

91.What feeling do you hate the most?
fright, embarrassment, hatred and when I'm missing a person.

92. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
yes...

93. Do you believe in God?
=D

94. Who cares for you most?
mom =D

95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Friends and family. And my music

96. What will you bring when you fight?
My mouth.

97. What have you done regretted doing in your whole life?
Not practicing more when I had the time.

98. What would you feel if no one no longer cares for you?
Hurt

99. What if your boyfriend/girlfriend two-timed you?
I'd dump him like a hot sack of potatoes.

100. HOW DO U FEEL NOW?
Like pumelling the person who invented this stupid tag and tearing that person into shreds.

Goin' to China!!!

Genting trip was... Not really fun, as I had expected. We spent most of our time playing basketball in the arcade (it was fun when I reached stage 4, but it gets a little boring when you don't beat high scores anymore) or eating. Dinner at the Coffee Terrace was as good as usual, though my sis was mourning the loss of her favourite marshmallows and chocolate fountain. I didn't get to enjoy most of the food as my braces were killing me yet again. Ended up with bowls of miso soup and 2 servings of Chicken Porridge. On the plus side, I could still eat desert. But my sis and I were really bummed cause they ran out of Chocolate ice cream. Darn.

This is gonna absolutely be my shortest post ever. Gotta get onto doing the concert stuff right now. I'll post up some really "interesting" pictures when I have the time. Toodles!

P/S: Will be going to the China Music Festival this Thursday! Throw a shopping list at me if you want anything ;) BTW, the strings there are a LOT cheaper than back here.

Saturday, 4 October 2008

Genting Trip No.???

Yes, I'm in Genting. Again. This must be the millionth visit to this place. I've been here so many times that I no longer feel the spur of excitement whenever my parents announce that we're comin' up here.

Prior to driving up here, I actually performed in a mini concert held at my dad's school. Su Yin, Nex and Jia Qing performed too. Liu Jian came with her kids by taxi.

First to perform was Nex. He played two movements of a Bach. It started out okay I guess, but he stopped within the first 8 bars of the first movement. Best part is, he actually smiled and apologized to the audience, then continued. Albeit weird, I felt. I wouldn't have acknowledged the mistake in the first place. Imagine if every professional did that in their concerts, stopping midway of a piece, then openly announcing their mistake to the crowd. Yikes!

Next up was Jia Qing. I don't know what piece he played, but it sounded good. He played all three movements by memory, and according to his mum, he'd only just completed it.

Then it was Su Yin's turn. She played a Bach Sonata. I have to give it to her, she played really well. Hands down, she played the best among the four of us. A few minor stumbles in the middle, but she merely smiled and continued. Now THAT is professional.

I was the last to play. BIG mistake. I was shaking so much with nerves that I barely made it through the first passage. (1st movement of the Bruch Concerto) I tried to mentally calm myself down, but somehow... yeah, it didn't really work. And THEN my "D" string went out of tune. I was horrified when I realised that I was playing some of the notes half a tone lower. Well, that was partially my fault as I should have warmed up in that particular open space before the performance. Cause my violin is used to non-conditioned atmosphere so... Oh, sod it. No point moaning and groaning over that now, it's all been said and done.

Some redemption is definitely in order for December. (Liu Jian requested for my dad to organize another mini concert for end of the year)

Oh! And I've just changed the wires on my braces. Damn, it really hurts like crap now. Especially my front tooth. Looks like I have to revert back to nothing tougher than porridge if I want to keep my teeth intact. It was still okay yesterday. At least I could still chew normally. Then this afternoon, during lunch, it started hurting a little whenever I bit down slightly harder on any form of solid. And right now, it hurts even when I have my mouth shut tight.

Speaking of teeth, my parents aren't very happy with the dentist my sister went to. It seems a little ridiculous that RM500++ should be charged for "filling" 8 teeth. The first visit cost RM240, cleaning and filling. Second visit cost RM310, polishing and filling. Third visit... Well, at the rate things are going, there ain't gonna be a third visit.

The cost is one thing, but how is it possible for one to have TEN decayed teeth?? Even my grandmother wouldn't have that many. And my sis isn't exactly 60++ Though we all seem to think that she's got the mentality of a 556-year-old. =D

Right. I shall stop here. My sis is currently giving me dirty looks. (She wants to blog as well) Ciao!

Thursday, 2 October 2008

Crush - David Archuleta

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away
Goin' away

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away
Goin' away

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away
This crush ain't goin' away...

I'm absof*ckinglutely in love with this song. It really hits the spot, doesn't it? I'm SO putting this song into my playlist tomorrow. I could do it right now but I'm not in the right mood to go hankering after songs. Ironically, I came across this song through someone's blog, who ___.

I think it's easily made the top 25 played songs in my i-pod already. I've been listening to it non-stop ever since this afternoon, after I'd managed to download it. Surprisingly, my sis likes it too. =P

I love the lyrics.

Mamma Mia, here I go again...

It's the Raya hols at the moment. I had the liberty of sleeping later than usual these 2 days. Well, without the knowledge of my parents, of course. The first night was to finish up "New Moon" the second book of the "Twilight" trilogy. Then last night... I dunno. Guess I just didn't feel like sleeping yet.

Frankly speaking, I don't think much of it. It's not even anywhere near Harry Potter or the Daren Shan Saga. Storyline wise, it's only mediocre. I was only speed-reading cause I wanted to finish it as quickly as possible, and not because it was interesting. I really can't see what's so wonderful about it, apart from the fact that Edward's this drop-dead gorgeous vampire who's absolutely in love with the female lead (who I can't stand). It's more of a Vampiric version of chick-lit rather than a spooky story book. Give me Darren Shan anyday.

Went to watch Mamma Mia and Eagle Eye yesterday, one after the other. I swear, my butt was sore after sitting for so long. But it was worth it. Both movies were surprisingly satisfying. Though personally, I preferred Mamma Mia. It was hilarious! And I have to say, Meryl Streep is a Fantastic actress! Pierrce Brosnan, however... Although he still looked damnably hot for a man his age, and his acting skills were still very much intact, his singing... Let's just say you'd know he's no singer. He looked really strained whenever he sang. Though there was one song he did which was actually quite good, more natural, at least. "S.O.S" was horrible though. My dad can do a perfect imitation of him singing that. haha!


On the whole, it was a good movie. I especially liked "Tanya", one of Donna's back up singers. Though she's got a reputation of being a slut (she's gone pass 3 husbands), she's a lot of fun. AH, just watch the movie to find out!

Eagle Eye was the typical action-packed film. Leave it to Steven Spielberg to come up with something like this. I'm not a sci-fi fan myself, but this was really quite good. A lot to do with computers, cell phones, trains and cars crashing into one another, but it was eye-catching all the same.

Oh yeah, I bumped into Lu Ee, Jebat and Dylan today. Well, not exactly "bumped", all I saw of them was what I could see through Liu Jian's window as I walked out of her house. They were doing some Chamber practice for a Masterclass or something like that. It was nice to see them again, though it only served to remind me on how much I missed camp. I was smiling for awhile, recalling the wacky moments we had... Then I realised that it was a good two months before I'd see all of them again. It wasn't a very nice feeling.

College has been a drag, though. It's been awhile since I've felt excited to attend college. It was fun at the start, meeting new people, learning new things... But I guess it has become a little robotic. I still like Eng Lit very much, and look forward to classes, but it's lost much of the vibe I used to feel when I walked into the classrooms. Economics, espcially, has lost all its interest it used to hold for me. The only thing that keeps me awake in class are the "World Gossips" that spin far away from what topic we're supposed to be studying. Admittedly, I don't fall asleep in Law anymore, but... Even for Eng Lit, I still hate class on Tuesdays. I find myself looking for excuses to NOT attend class, so I can escape that one hour session of mental torture in the form of Keats' poetry.

It's not like I give a damn about my grades, but it would be great if I could at least scrape a "B". For Economics, that is. I'm aiming for "A"s in Law and Eng Lit. Though it's still debatable for Law, I'm not settling for anything less than an "A" for Eng Lit.

Right. That's enough ramblings for the day. I'll see if I'm up to blogging again in a few days' time...

Seeing a rainbow before the rain...

Is it a good thing? Or not... I really should consider letting go, but... Gah, it's easier said than done.