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Saturday, 20 October 2007

It's one o those days you wish you didn't exist...

This is by far the first time I’ve ever bothered voicing out my thoughts. I’m only doing this because I’m quite certain that no one reads my blog anyways.

I know I always try to keep a “cool” profile… The never wavering cold ‘air’ I always carry around. My usual indifference to whatever that’s being thrown at me. I’m forever avoiding the truth, never wanting to face facts. Constantly holding onto thin threads of hope for something impossible. I’m actually left feeling very lonely all the time. Even when I have a cheery smile on my face, my inner self is sometimes bursting in agony. Finally when I give up fighting, I succumb to tears.

It hasn’t been so bad these few months. Apart from the usual exam stress and a certain someone who pops outta nowhere once in awhile, my life has been pretty stable.

Kinda emo-ing now cause I just had some very unpleasant flashbacks earlier. Done with studying for tonight. Happy times came back to taunt me, unpleasant moments returned to haunt me. And I thought I’d forgotten all the pain I’d been forced to go through. Was wondering why I complain so much bout how sucky my life is while there are kids everywhere who are homeless.

I feel like such an ungrateful scumbag.

I really admire those who can really not feel anything. I envy my friends who don’t have boyfriends/friendship problems plaguing their minds. I’m jealous of them who have their whole future planned and mapped out. I feel a great stab of pain when one of my friends turn their backs on me and pretend I’m not there. I hate it when you claim I’m your “bestie”, yet you don’t give a hoot about me. I want to slap those who come running to me with the same old sob stories about boyfriend problems. I can’t stand it when you bitch about your own friend to me behind his/her back. I wanna knock some sense into those big fat liars who say outrageous things to be in the limelight. I despise the feeling of being pushed away by those I once thought were my friends. I get all confused when my feelings are accumulated and messed up. I hate the fact that I don’t know how to control my emotions. I don’t understand why I can’t bring myself to pour my feelings out to someone verbally. Then again, I don’t have anyone who I can rely on. At least, not one of my own age. I’ve got superb parents whom I love with all my heart, but I’m not about to bother them with my stupid, petty teenage problems. I tend to cry when I’m telling someone about how I’m feeling. And I hate crying in front of people, even if it’s only one person. I hate to show my weak side. But I wish I could. I wish to the high heavens that I had the guts to cry on someone’s shoulder and dump my worries aside.

I’ve got no one else to blame but myself. I’m the selfish one, only thinking about my personal gains. Always me, me, me… I’m an inconsiderate, arrogant fool. I’m not even worth the attention I’m given. I deserve to be thrown aside and looked down upon.

I should exist as an empty shell.

Anyhoo, coming back to reality...

Parents are still in Shanghai... Dad msg-ed me yesterday and told us that they bought a lotta stationary sets and so far have bought me a pair of pants. (That second statement left my bro and sis seething with jealousy.. =P)

Studied Sejarah earlier, then practiced piano... Gotta do violin later. I skived off 2 days already. Don't wanna get rusty just after good feedback from Ms. Vira the other day. I haven't been listening to rubbish. Hence, my intonation improved.

Okay, gotta get crackin'. Cyazz...

P/S: I ain't dying anytime soon. Not till I meet Yun Ho. XD

Tuesday, 16 October 2007

Back in P.J.

I hate those who come running to me with petty boyfriend problems. Honestly, what do you think I am? I ain't some rubbish bin where you dump all your sorrows in. Not that they're worth the bother anyway. If yer boyfriend is cheating on you, simple. Break-up with him.

Don't give me all that sob story bout how you can't bear to let go cuz you love him so much. A guy who cheats on you is not worth moping over. Just dump him like a hot sack of potatoes. I warned you since the start to not fall so deep. But no... you didn't fall alright... you PLUNGED.

Girls. Honestly. Why do we have to be the ones emo-ing all the time? Guys emo too, but they don't go running to their friends and start moaning about how they miss their ex-es do they?

I don't ever go crying to anyone. I do that in private. Behind closed doors. And after I do that, I don't shout around about how miserable I am. Even if I were feeling miserable, I'd put on a convincing smile and go about my own business. I keep everything bottled up inside. Not even my closest friends know about my "problems". Because I don't find it worth wasting my time/saliva on.

I'm going on a boy-cott from now on till at LEAST after SPM. No way am I gonna get involved in a "relationship" few weeks before my exams. Not like there are guys interested anyway.No guy in their right frame of mind would like me larr... I'm too...

I'm just me.

Alright, I've ran outta things to write. Had a real busy day. (Went to KLCC for my lesson then to Low Yat Plaza then to Gardens. =P) Tatta!

P/S: Mom, dad... Have a good trip. =)

Monday, 15 October 2007

Happy Birthday Shobz...

Been awhile since I've blogged about anything. Lazy larr... Haven't been doing much. Went to the Pavillion yesterday with the whole family. Bought a couple o things... Mom was scouting around for a big luggage bag. The stuff there are really overpriced and none of the shops there sold non-branded goods. Shopping area for rich people, mostly. Don't think I'll be going back there anytime soon.

Just came back from badminton an hour ago. Gonna go to a family friends' house first then head off to Gardens. The one near Mid Valley, yea.

Or is it next to?

Blehh... I couldn't be bothered. Fed up with going to posh places which display unaffordable stuff to us average-living beings. What's the point of looking when you know you'll never have the money to buy it?

Anyways, today's "badminton" was by far the worst I've ever experienced. My bro and sis each brought 2 of their own friends. As usual, I was the babysitter. My bro's friend was busy showing off the entire time while my sis' friends couldn't play to save their lives. Needless to say, I was bored outta my mind. Ended up whacking the shuttle against the wall... On my own.

We ate then showered after that. My oh-so-smart bro HAD to grab 3 lockers, therefore resulting the girls not having a locker. (Non-members are not allowed lockers. Since my bro took 3, the rest of us were left with nothing) Smart ass... So we settled the prob by taking in turns to bathe and change, having at least 1 person watching over our things. Mainly my handphone and wallet= my life line.

ANyhoo, I gotta go hit the books now. I'll probably post a few more times these 2 weeks. After that, yer ain't hearin' from me fer at LEAST a month. Ciaozz!

P/S: Loneliness knows me by name...

Friday, 5 October 2007

Major exam in about a month's time...

I have absolutely no idea why I'm still not motivated to study. I mean, not that I don't, but I'm not really into it or anything. That's a bad sign isn't it? I wanna do well, but somehow I feel as if I'm not working hard enough for it.

Another day wasted away yet again... Woke up really early this morning and went to Bkt Jalil. Badminton from 7.40-9.45a.m. Tired me out like crap. My arm is still aching from swinging it so much. And my brother simply doesn't let "Oi! Don't whack so high la!" sink into his brain. He just LOVES high serves.

Was the same old story for my sis... She serves... My bro hits back... She misses. =P

Came back home, ate lunch, studied, then slept for awhile to be rid of the painful muscle pulls. Woke up at around 4.30p.m. Helped my mom with her JMC class coursework. (She needed to "lend my ears") Ate dinner at 5.30p.m... I was hungry.

Went out to the park and played badminton again. Saw the "hot" girl there... The minute I saw her, I started the "hot girl alert". Bro and sis started laughing. Just hope we don't see her again tomorrow in the pasar malam. The sight of her either makes me lose my appetite, or my food will all come back out...


Anyways, random pics I took last night with my sis in the park and at home. Major cam-whoring wei...


Thursday, 4 October 2007

Another day in Paradise... *Sighs*

Haven't been doing much studying these few days. My brains are still suffering the after effects of studying till late at night. Brainless teachers HAD to put our exams one after the other. To make matters worse, they shoved the diagnostic tests right smack in the middle of our exams. The hell, who cares about diagnostic tests?? The questions are so easy you could do them in your sleep!

Anyways, forgot to mention an addition to my house last Tuesday. My parents bought a treadmill. Heh... It's up in the 3rd living room. I thought the place would be cramped up after putting the treadmill there, but it actually made it seem more spacious. Tried it on friday and saturday. Worked up a sweat within 10 minutes, and I finished the 30-min programme. Reckon I've never felt so sweaty in my life.

Pretty laid-back today. Woke up at around 10a.m. after my mom started lecturing about not wasting the morning away. Ate breakfast-roti telur. I was cursing the roti-telur dude while I was eating it. (Mom ordered 3 non-bawang and 1 bawang but he gave us the exact opposite-3 bawang and 1 non-bawang) Smart huh?

After that, I practiced the violin till my mom's student came. Switched on the laptop to download stuff. And now I'm blogging while waiting for my dad's download to finish. Quite lifeless, but I'd much rather do this than fill my brains with more info.

Managed to find quite a number of DBSK videos within these 2 weeks. Their acting skills are not bad. Not hollywood standard of course, but good enough to keep me entertained. It might be because I'm a fan, but really, they're not bad at all. Plenty of humor involved as well.

Okay, my "Dad asked me to download his stuff" excuse is no longer valid. Gotta skitter. Cioaz!

P/S: Dong Bang Shin Ki, sarang eui yo...

Wednesday, 3 October 2007

At last, no school for a week...

Thanks to PMR, I'm off for the whole week. Can enjoy for a bit now.. Till my results come out. Blehh... I detest the idea of having to sit down and study again after a full 4 weeks of slaving my arse off. I meant it LITERALLY. Bloody papers are so agonizingly long and the chair ain't exactly cushioned. -_-'

Wonderful, wonderful SPM...

Oh-so-great SPM...

Life-deciding SPM...


Go-to-hell SPM.

It's not only that I gotta be deprived of my much needed rest, I'm missing DBSK's concert! I've been dying the whole year to see them "live" again. It's a very different thing to see them on TV and go crazy in the stadium with all the other fans. The excitement you feel is ten-fold! And it's not like they're a couple of talent-less pretty boys prancing about the stage. They write their own songs and choreograph their dance routines. 3 of them play the piano and Yun Ho's a professional dancer. Thankfully I went for their concert last year or I'd really be depressed now.

Anyways, Nurlina msg-ed me last night and said the ticket pricing is really high this time. RM100-500. The place we sat at last year is goin' for RM240 this time. That's double of last year's price. I suppose the manager's taking advantage of their popularity. At least it's nowhere near the ridiculously over-priced tickets of Rain's concert last year. The highest was RM745. HELLO?? He's ONE solo performer, not a group. On top of that, he can't sing THAT well and his songs sound about the same. Yeah sure, he's got a great body but hey, talent people... talent. That's what counts. Though of course, most girls would beg to differ, but everyone's entitled their own opinion no?

Oka, I shall scoot for now.

P/S: Despite the horrible timing, I shall remain a loyal fan of DBSK... =P